Loved

Well, these past few days have been tough. I have been sick for about a week now, and do not seem to be getting better. (Pink eye, ear infection, throat infection, chest infection, sinus infection.... hopefully these antibiotics will start working soon!) As you may have guessed from my last post, I am having a rough time with my room mate leaving. To top it all off, I got a call from my puppy's breeder yesterday. There was a bit of a problem with the litter. The one female that would be mine is very tiny, and they are not even sure they can let her leave. I was devastated. Am still working all that all out.

Through these past few days, I have been so blessed, and have been shown much love. A dear friend and her family opened their home to me and my germs when I was too sick to be home alone. She made sure I ate, gave me a place to sleep, provided me with company when I did not really want to be alone, and let me cry on her shoulder when I needed to. Her friendship is such a blessing to me. Her eldest son woke me up this morning with breakfast in bed... toast, eggs, pancakes and OJ. That was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done. When I finally came home this evening, one of the girls from the Youth Group showed up at my door with a handful of flowers. I cried when she left. Her thoughtfulness really touched me, and I enjoyed her company.

I love how God uses people in your life to bless you and encourage you when you are down. I needed to be shown love. I needed to be encourages. He provided that for me, and in doing so, filled me up so that I can keep on loving and encouraging those around me.

Gone

She's gone. Really, she's been gone for a while now. I have mixed emotions. But right now, loneliness and sadness make the top of the list.

Impact

Sometimes we have no idea how our lives have impacted those around us. Sometimes we have no idea how God has used us to bless others. I received a card in the mail today from a very old friend. Not old as in age... she is a few years younger than me. But old as in time... I have known her since we were in grade school. She practically lived at my house. But when HS ended, we ended up in different cities, and the distance made our friendship grow apart. I have only seen her a few times in the past few years.

Her card said this: "You are very important to me. I have always looked up to you. You are the closest thing to an older sister I will ever have, and even with a few miles between us, you are always in my heart." It brought me to tears. We just have no idea how God will use the relationships we forge.

I have another friend who is such a blessing to me (and many others too). No matter how many times I try to tell her what a blessing she is... and what an impact she has had on my life, she does not get it. Despite my words, she will never see the extent to which God has used her this side of heaven. And isn't that true about all of Christ's followers? We just never know the impact any one thing we say or do will have.

This card reminded me of two things. Make everything you do count for eternity. We have no idea how God will use even the ordinary things to impact others. Secondly, it reminded me to let people know when they have been a blessing to you. Why wait for heaven when we can start thanking people here and now.

First

I have already commented on the "driving devotion" series I did on Joy. The next in the series is on faith. A coincidence? Seeing as what God wanted for me to say was that I believed... that I had faith in Him? I think not. In fact, the end of one of the devotions said "God is longing to hear us say that we trust Him." All this, the day after my "Yet" blog. Amazing how He works. That really affirmed that He is in control.

Something that was said in one of the tracks really hit struck me. It started by saying, "Life is hard. God is good." Two truths that we face every day. And every day I have a choice. What will I hear first? God? Or the evil one? Will I hear a song on the radio? A horrible news story? Or will I choose to hear His voice first. That is the part that hit me. Hearing Him first.

In this case, I think that "first" can have two connotations. First....foremost... above all else. All valid. All important. But I also think it can mean first...not second... first. As in, the very first thing I physically hear in the morning. And this is where I was convicted. Rather than hear about things of this world and then have that impact my thoughts on God, I should hear from Him first. And let Him impact my thoughts on the things of this world. Perhaps if I hear Him first, it will set the stage for the rest of my day. Not perhaps. It will.

I have a hard time praying and doing devotions in the morning when I get up early and have to go to work.... I fall asleep. Which is why I do my devotions in the car, and spend time in prayer as I drive. So I am not sure what this all means. Maybe I need to have a worship cd on while I get ready, rather than the radio show I listen to that is not God honouring. Perhaps it means showering and then spending time in His word before I continue to get ready. I am not sure what this will look like. I just know that I need to choose differently. I need to choose to hear Him first.

I Believe

Over the past few days, a few things have come in to my life that have upset me. Last night, the accumulation of these things triggered a visceral reaction in the very core of my being. They triggered panic. They triggered fear. They brought me to a place where I have been many times before. A point that in the past has broken me.

Last night I had a choice. I could let Satan win. I could walk down a familiar, comfortable path that would lead to more pain, and ultimately to self destruction. Or I could choose to turn to Him. I found myself praying a familiar prayer: "Lord, please take this away. Please make this stop. I cannot do this anymore." As I prayed those words, nothing happened. I was still afraid. I still found myself in the midst of a panic attack.

A friend once said to me... I know you believe in God. But do you believe Him? Do you believe that He will take away the burdens you lay at His feet? Do you believe that He is bigger than all this? All very good questions. Ones I had not thought about before. Ones I was not sure how to answer. This same friend has also encouraged me to "choose well." I heard her, but I did not understand her. I did not really pay much attention to the choices I was making on a daily basis. I thought to myself, I know you say I have a choice. But I don't see it... I don't feel it. This is how it is, end of story.

In the midst of my panic, I knew I had to choose well. I added to my pleas... "Lord, I believe that You can ... that You will... that You are waiting to take this from me. I believe that You are big enough to take this from me. I believe." As I spoke the words "I believe" I knew I was speaking the words He was waiting to hear from me. Something happened last night. Something supernatural. Something divine. Something that only God could do. A peace spread over me. I felt it, like a cool rain washing over me. It was gone. The panic... the fear... gone.

A year...even a few months ago, I would have pushed aside the notion that peace could spread through me like that. I could not truly appreciate what people meant when they said that they felt a physical release. Until a few months ago, I had only felt that once before in my life. Now, each time it happens, I find myself in awe of His grace, His goodness, and His love for me.

Yes, God really is bigger than the boogie man.

Yet

Yet. Though such be the case.

I have just completed a devotional on Joy. It is a cd series that I listen to on the way to work. Not being a morning person, it is my way of "meeting him at the river" and receiving the "manna that is baked fresh every morning." This morning (and again this evening), I listened to the last 2 segments. In them, one small word struck me: Yet.

The first passage was from Job 8:21. On first thought, some might wonder why one would turn to the book of Job when looking for passages on joy. I mean, Job lost everything.... his health, his livestock, his family. Ah... but that is where the joy comes in....and that is where the word yet comes in. Bildad was trying to provide his friend Job with counsel. Some of what he said was legit. His concept of God and justice was not. This one short statement though, sums up what Job did despite his situation.


21 "He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy."


Everything Job held near to his heart was taken from him. Though such be the case (yet!) God filled his lips with shouts of joy. Though such be the case, Job praised God. He knew that his God was still on the throne!


What an amazing promise! What an inspiration! Though such be the case, He will fill me with joy! I like to think of that as a personal promise from God to me.


The second passage was one that I can across a few weeks ago. It is from Habakkuk 3:17-18.

17 "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior."


I felt as though God had given me that passage to share with a friend who was going through a rough time. A time where there were no grapes on the vine. You know when I verse keeps coming back to you.... when you feel like God is saying "Pay attention here!" That is this passage. If the passage in Job was His promise to me, this passage is my response to Him... my response to the struggles in life. Whatever it is... though such be the case.....YET... I WILL REJOICE IN THE LORD!!!

Empty

As a kid I remember thinking it was strange that my grandparents fridge was always empty. Didn't they eat? There was usually a container of OJ, some Perrier, perhaps a few eggs and maybe some bread. Now when I look in my fridge I think, "I have turned in to my grandparents."

Eleven Years Ago

Eleven years ago, I was in beautiful British Columbia taking part in the wedding of a dear friend of mine. In many ways it seems like so long ago. In many ways it seems like it was just yesterday.

She is one of the three people I have consistently stayed in touch with from the Canterbury days. Oddly enough, we were not close friends in high school. We had a fair bit in common: our love of music (especially Sandi! *S*), our love of God... but the truth is that I was... intimidated by her. Ok... maybe a bit scared of her too! She left Ottawa for BC half way through HS. A few months after that, we connected and became close friends.

It was an honour for me, a few years later, to be a part of her wedding, and I am so thankful that I have been one of the few friends she has kept in touch with from that time in her life. I cried through the whole thing. I distinctly remember trying to wipe the mascara off my cheeks during every prayer. Being somewhat less emotional than I am, this dear friend simply laughed at my tears. The evening of the wedding was spent at "The Rock"... an amazing P&W Service that she and her hubby led worship at. What an amazing way to begin your life together! We said our goodbyes that evening. I do believe there were tears in her eyes then - which through my tears, made me laugh. I also had a heart to heart with her dear grandfather that evening. His words of thanks were so precious.

Later that night another friend and I had fun piling her gifts up against the wall, and dressing her teddy bear in her wedding dress and laying it out on her bed. Fun times.

Thank you for the many, many years of friendship. Although we don't talk often, and see each other even less, I cherish your friendship. You are such a blessing to me. Miss you more than you know. Happy Anniversary my friend. Here's to another 11 wonderful years. Love you!

Rich

At Youth Group we are working though the NOOMA series. Each video has greatly impacted me. This week was based on 1 Timothy 6:17-19... part of Pauls charge to Timothy.

17 Command people who are rich in this world not to be proud. Tell them not to put their hope in riches. Wealth is so uncertain. Command those who are rich to put their hope in God. He richly provides us with everything to enjoy. 18 Command the rich to do what is good. Tell them to be rich in doing good things. They must give freely. They must be willing to share. 19 In that way they will put riches away for themselves. It will provide a firm basis for the next life. Then they will take hold of the life that really is life.

I like The Message version... very down to earth:

17-19Tell those rich in this world's wealth to quit being so full of themselves and so obsessed with money, which is here today and gone tomorrow. Tell them to go after God, who piles on all the riches we could ever manage—to do good, to be rich in helping others, to be extravagantly generous. If they do that, they'll build a treasury that will last, gaining life that is truly life.

A quote from the video...

"Let's be honest. It's easy to go to a church service. It's easy to read the Bible. It's easy to discuss who believes what and who's right and who's wrong. It's easy. But when Jesus talks about His followers, he talks about people who are generous; people who clothe the naked... take food to the hungry... take water to the thirsty; people who visit the prisoner; people who invite the stranger in; people who give their time; people who give their energy; people who give their money. The best question isn't, "What can I get?" To take the way of Jesus seriously is to realize that the best question is, "What can I give?" Because all of us can give something - here, now, today, and then tomorrow and then the next day. What can you do to be more generous? You have been blessed. Who are you going to bless?"

Go after God. Be rich in helping others. Be extravagantly generous. What an encouragement! It reiterates that things I have done recently that some might view as extravagant (although I don't), are in direct obedience to God. That my giving is pleasing to Him. That I have been given much, and can use all that I have to bless others. None of the things I do, I do for my own glory. Yes, I am building up a lasting treasury. Yes, I am taking hold of what it truly is to live. But at the same time, I am acting in obedience to my Father, and that brings nothing but glory to His precious name! (Amen!)

At the same time, what a challenge. It was the challenge we left our group with... what can you do to give? What can you do to give more? Whose life are you going to bless? No matter how much we already give, there is a very good chance we could be doing and giving more. Give of our money. Give of our time. Give of our resources.... the list goes on.

To end....

"May you come to see that you're rich. And your possessions, they are luxuries that most people in the world don't have. And may you do what Jesus says: May you step in to your divine responsibility to give. And when you do, may you take hold of the life that is truly life."

Silent Screams

She wouldn't look at anyone. Or perhaps, she couldn't. It was too familiar to me. Was she ashamed? Of something she had done? Of something that was done to her? Did she wear her shame on her being for all to see? Was she afraid? That if someone looked her in the eyes they would peer in to the deepest part of her soul. They would stare in to a place she had to protect... hide. Was she alone? Did she just wish someone would come along side her... hug her... hold her... comfort her... love her.

Her sleeves pushed up, you could not help but see the scars. Some old. Some new and fresh. All much deeper than most people would ever know. Was her own pain the only thing she could control? Did she figure she would hurt herself because, face it, everyone else has hurt her? Was the physical pain the only way she had to forget the emotional pain she was feeling?

The souls of two people whose paths crossed mine. Something inside of me wept for them. Does anyone hear their cries? Help me! Love me! Their screams are silent, yet so loud. They could be you. They could be me. Perhaps they are.

Three Friends

I have heard the challenge many times before: "Think of three unsaved friends who you can be really diligent about praying for." But it never really hit me the way it has recently. If I am completely honest with myself, I have spent the past...well... probably 8 years living a lot closer to the world than I have been to God. Until about a year ago, I was not really thinking about things with an eternal perspective. I mean, I knew I was ultimately saved. But I never really and truly had a heart for those who were not. That is obvious to me as I look back on how I have (or haven't) influenced those around me for Christ. In particular, I think of my room mate and one of my dearest friends. Both people I have had the opportunity to show the love of Christ to.... but I haven't been that effective. It seems now that time is being taken away from me. My room mate is moving out, and my dear friend and I are spending less and less time together - partly because of work, and partly because my heart longs to be with others who belong to Christ. I have regrets. All I can do with them though, is make every day count for eternity.

So... I am taking the challenge. I will be diligent in praying for KC - one of my best friends... JL - my soon to be old room mate... and LD - my co-worker and confident.

What about you? Are you up for the challenge? Are you looking at life here on earth with an eternal perspective?

Thank you....

....for knowing that I love Maltesers. As silly as it is, it means a lot.

PS.... You need to blog!!!

Bronte Adventures

Today I met my new room mate! A very tiny Yorkshire Terrier who I will name Bronte Carlotta. (Carlotta after her mommy, who the owners affectionately call Carla.) She was born on February 13th... her eyes opened today for the first time! So the adventures of Bronte begin...

A breeder friend and I took a drive to Renfrew to meet my new puppy, and ultimately decide if she was the one. It was about an hour and 20 minute drive there. It was a 4 hour drive home. We decided to take a different route home. Thankfully, I was not driving. Now anyone who knows me knows that my sense or direction stinks! Well, apparently mine is not the only one! We took a wrong turn somewhere. 2 hours later, when we did not arrive in the town we expected to, we pulled out the map. Oops. We had gone in the exact opposite direction. Luckily the weather, scenery and company were pleasant! The irony is, my friend has a GPS... but he left it at home!

So I will return in a few weeks to actually pick her out. only then will I be able to see some of her personality. Her mommy is the nicest, most gentle Yorkie I have ever met. I hope that wears off on her pups! She was beautiful!

Bronte will come home around April 13th. In the meantime I will continue to shop for cute outfits, toys and puppy supplies. These next 6 weeks will be so long!

Bronte was named after the Bronte sisters, whose home I had the chance to visit in the Yorkshire Moors or England. I will leave you with one of my favourite poems by one of my favourite poets and writers, Emily Bronte.

The Old Stoic

Riches I hold in light esteem,

And Love I laugh to scorn;

And lust of fame was but a dream,

That vanished with the morn:

And if I pray, the only prayer

That moves my lips for me

Is, "Leave the heart that now I bear,

And give me liberty!"

Yes, as my swift days near their goal:

'Tis all that I implore;

In life and death a chainless soul,

With courage to endure.

Why Would Anyone Want To Be Your Friend?

That is a good question... one that I will attempt to answer. Why? Because you do realise that by questioning people who would want to be your friend, you are questioning me, and perhaps doubting my own sanity. Which, granted is questionable at times. So here it goes, in no particular order.

You make me laugh. Sometimes at you. Sometime with you. Many a time at myself.

You bring out the best in me. The real me... the way God is shaping me to be is brought out when I am around you.

You are observant. You have the gift of discernment. You see things the way they really are. I am still shocked by that card you sent me last summer. You barely knew me. You said "You looked weary the other day..." You would soon find out just how weary I was.

You are interesting. (Strange, but interesting *S*) Seriously though... God has handed you your fair share of trials and tribulations. You always come out on top. You have a story to tell... tell it!

You remember important things. My birthday for example.

You remember the little, silly things ... that I like toasted tomato sandwiches... It amazes me when someone remembers the little things. I tend to. Most of my friends do not. The fact that you do is refreshing.

You are real. You live out your faith on a day to day basis. I love watching your godly example. Who would not want to be around someone like that?

You know when I need a hug or a shoulder to cry on ... very important!

You drop everything to come and rescue me from myself. No one has ever done that for me before.

You get me. You are like me. You understand some of my idiosyncrasies. It is almost as though you are inside my head at time. Sometimes it is a bit scary ( for both of us, I am sure) ... but in many ways it makes me feel less crazy! (Or at the very least, not alone in my craziness!)

You have seen my ugly sides... and you still love me.

You don't judge me. (Or anyone else for that matter.) I can say what I want to you, and be confident that you will still love me, and will not hold it against me.

You make me feel safe. I can be my one true self with you. If I am sad, that is ok. If I have the giggles, that is great too. I don't need to wear a mask. I come as I am, and you accept me that way.

You encourage and support me.

You are kind. You are tenderhearted. You are caring. You are trustworthy. You are open. You are honest.

You are gentle with me when I am fragile, but will never sacrifice the truth. You are able to speak His truth in love.

You give good advice, even though I don't always take it. (I like a bit of red in my hair ok!?!)

You are someone I can share my toys with! (Flip& Fold)

And if the truth be told, you know far too much about me to not be your friend! *S* You are stuck with me, and I hope and pray I am stuck with you. Love you. Don't forget it!