To Sing Or Not To Sing

Well, I am going to do it. Contrary to what I sometimes think I should do, and contrary to what those who know me best have suggested I do (or not do as the case may be), I am going to do it. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time. I miss this part of my old life. I miss the challenge. I miss the music. I miss it all coming together.

I am entering what is typically a bad time of the year for me. As much as I love the fall, it is when I seem to struggle the most. I have already committed to protecting myself. I hope and pray this is not me letting my guard down. I hope and pray that the extra bit of activity in my life, as well as the love of music will be positive influences in my life. I hope and pray that if I am wrong, no one will say "I told you so."

Little Gifts from God

A friend of mine would often tell me of "things that God had given her." Verses... concepts... greater understanding. I loved when God gave her things because sometimes she would share them with me. But I found myself wondering why God didn't give me things.

A few weeks ago, I was enlightened with the answer. God gave me something. I realized that there was a much greater chance of Him showing me something special... that something just for me, when I was looking for it. I had to dig deeper in to His Word for Him to have a chance to show me those special things He has wanted to show me! Not only did I have to dig deeper, but I had to stop talking and spend more time listening. Another little "aha moment."

As I spent more time in His word, something came alive in me. Verses I had read and memorized suddenly meant more to me than they had before. It was as though I was seeing them with a whole new set of eyes. Very cool.

I was going through a bit of a rough time, and was praying for peace in the situation I was going through. This is what He gave me:

Is. 26:3-4 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.

Ps 91 (some select verses... paraphrased just a bit...) He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust. If you dwell in the place of the Most High your dwelling then no harm will befall you. For he will command his angels over you to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not even stub your baby toe." (The funny part of that is that a friend has prayed just that for me before... that He would place angels before me, behind me, above me, below me and beside me... so I won't even stub my baby toe. And all this time I thought she made that up!)

All this to say... His Word truly is alive... I am learning that more and more.

Somewhere in the Middle

Earlier this week, one if the gals in the Youth Group told me the new Casting Crowns cd was out. She also shared her favourite song with me. Today I bought the cd, and have also fallen in love with the same song... Somewhere in the Middle. The words resonated with my soul... somewhere in the middle of so many things is how I feel... between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves... between who I was and who He is making me... between contented peace and wanting more. But I know that no matter where I am... no matter what I am in the middle of, I am never there alone. For I know that He will never leave me!

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You’re by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I’m caught in the middle

Lyrics by Mark Hall

Back to Blogging

It has been a long time. A lot has happened. I am not sure that I can write about it all here and now. My heart is full of some really amazing things that God is showing me. But my heart is also full of some confusion and sadness. Since my last post, I have shed many tears, and have learned many wonderful truths about my God. The question is, where do I begin. In some ways, I have lost the ears that hear the brunt of my ramblings... both when I am wrestling with God and when I am drawing near to Him... when life is hard and when it is easy... when I am complaining and when I am rejoicing. So stay tuned. Perhaps I will use this outlet again.