Memories

I have just finished dismantling Christmas. My house seems bare and uncluttered. The walls and table tops empty. The sounds of season gone. Life seems empty now. I sit down to contemplate what I will remember about this Christmas.

Will I remember the disappointments? Because there were some. Will I remember the laughter? Most certainly. Will I remember the iPod dance? I wish I could forget it! What about the feeling of forgetting myself and letting God have His way with me and use the talents He gave me? That memory I will cherish. Will I remember the family who was told their baby would not survive on Christmas Day?

Will I remember Christmas Eve... our last one at The Met on Bank. Will I remember who I was with or who I was without? Perhaps both. Will I remember the tearful "for us?" Will I remember the random kindness and overwhelming generosity of seemingly strangers? How incredible to see both sides of that blessing... that I will never forget. Will I remember the tears and the prayers of desperation? Will I remember that Jesus came in the fullness of time?

Perhaps life is not as empty as it seems....

Love Hurts

Love hurts.

When I got involved with the Youth a year and a half ago, I had no idea I would love them as much as I do. Seeing them make poor decisions breaks my heart. Some are decisions I made too at one point in my life. Watching them walk down a road that I once walked down is hard. I wish they would listen when I say trust me. Watching them make, and live through life altering decisions makes me want to try and protect them.... shelter them.

What strikes me is that if I am this heart broken... if I find myself this saddened by their decisions... imagine how much more our Fathers heart is broken.... imagine how sad He is when we turn our back on Him, even if just momentarily. In the same way that I cannot fully fathom His love for me, I cannot fully fathom his heart ache for me. And so I stand, once again, amazed by it all.