tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-211204702024-03-20T05:57:15.737-04:00.: Christa's Random Musings :.A tapestry of quotations, musings, aphorisms, and autobiographical reflections.~James Atlas.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.comBlogger112125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-19796029832858927592009-02-03T22:18:00.002-05:002009-02-03T22:20:58.383-05:00R&TI really wish I could comment on your posts.<br />I adore you guys. We need a Skype & wine date.<br />So until a time comes when I can spend time with you friends, I will continue to cyber stalk! :) Sigh..: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-7446042204680452112008-08-27T21:34:00.004-04:002008-08-27T21:53:03.968-04:00God Told Me... So Now What?<span style="font-family:lucida grande;"><em>I have this friend. I remember her on many occasions saying... God told me. Although some might find that far fetched, I believed her whole heartedly, and found myself envying the relationship she had with God. Wow... that God would actually show me or tell me something! As I watched her, and oh I watched her, I saw a woman who lived by faith. A woman who was seeking after Him, and listening for His still and quiet voice. Perhaps that is why she heard it.</em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;"><em>Over the past few years my own relationship with God has changed. I have been stretched and I have grown. I find myself seeking Him. And although I still do a lot of the talking, I am learning to hear His voice. And wouldn't you know it... I can say it too... God told me.</em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;"><em>God told me. That is my answer. I just know. </em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;"><em>This is not the first time He has revealed something like this to me. But there are times, much like now, that I find myself almost wishing He hadn't. There are times when I wonder what I am supposed to do with what He has shown me? Do I share this wisdom? Or am I meant to keep it to myself for now? I doubt it was meant to eat away at my like this, but the fact is, it is. </em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;"><em>Confused, I continue to wait for His direction. I continue to pray. I continue to write. I continue to try and trust in Him.</em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;"><em>Prov 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.</em></span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-27316402298099634822008-08-08T11:52:00.008-04:002008-08-08T21:53:33.574-04:00A Beautiful Hypocrisy<em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">As I sit here and watch the Opening Ceremonies of the 29th Olympiad, I am moved to tears. How can it be that in a world of war and depravity, we as humankind can come together... 204 nations... forgetting all that is between us.</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And while I think that is all wonderful, I cannot help but find the whole thing a bit hypocritical. There are countries here that are at war with each other, and here they all stand in a form of unity created by the game. Here, they all stand together taking part in a dance. A dance with dove like movement... dancers, athletes, guests, and audience. A dove... a symbol of peace. So why is it that it that we can come together for the sake of the game... for the sake of competition... with an unspoken truce. Yet for the sake of humanity? For the sake of lives? We are still a world at war.</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Just minutes before watching these opening ceremonies, I read an email from a dear friend living in, and now leaving, the Republic of Georgia. She lives in a city just 40 km from where a Russian peacekeeper was killed by a bomb... where there is fear and death. And yet, these warring countries are standing side by side. </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I am not sure if I find this unity and temporary peace beautiful or sickening.</span></em><br /><span style="font-family:lucida grande;"></span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-28811223060594267812008-06-15T21:20:00.002-04:002008-06-15T21:22:40.834-04:00My Own<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I wish I was less afraid of sharing more of my own work here. </span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Hmmm.... maybe some day.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-1430427460212352602008-04-13T14:34:00.001-04:002008-04-13T14:37:00.392-04:00Mercy on the Broken Road<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I heard these lyrics, and my heart so resonated with them. How many times have I found myself on a road of brokenness, only to be found, and lifted up by His mercy. My sin and shame dissolved in to His Glory! Praise God! As I sit at His feet, this song is in my heart.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Where the Love Lasts Forever - Hillsong (Sung by Jared Wood)</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em><strong>Your mercy found me</strong></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em><strong>Upon the broken road</strong></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em><strong>And lifted me beyond my failings.</strong></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em><strong>Into Your glory</strong></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em><strong>My sin and shame dissolved</strong></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And now forever Yours I 'll stand</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">In love never to end</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">To call You more than Lord,</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Glorious friend.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">So I throw my life upon all that You are,</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Cause I know you gave it all for me.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And when all else fades,</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">My soul will dance with You</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Where the love lasts forever.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And forever I will sing,</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Lord forever I will sing,</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Of how You gave Your life away,</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Just to save me, </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Lord You saved me.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">With You, where the love lasts forever</span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-3362171767801849922008-03-29T22:04:00.002-04:002008-03-29T22:07:54.890-04:00Grace Like a Blanket<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I have fallen short of His glory. My heart knows failure. My shame runs deep. But through it all, I know beyond a doubt that I am covered with His blanket of forgiveness and grace. Thank you Father, for fathering me. </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The Father - Heather Clark</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">It's You I want to know<br />Come with your presence<br />Hold me and don't let go<br />I love the sound of your heart<br />Like a father protecting me drawing me<br />That I could know..<br /><br />The sound of your footsteps coming to me<br />The look on your face when you"re so proud of me<br />The sound of you cheering when I succeed<br />And the touch of your hand<br />When your fathering me<br /><br />I have so far to grow<br />I fall short of your glory<br />Failure, my heart knows<br />And my shame runs so deep<br />But your grace is a blanket<br />Cover me, that I could know<br /><br />The sound of your footsteps coming to me<br />The look on your face when you"re so proud of me<br />The sound of you cheering when I succeed<br />And the touch of your hand<br />When your fathering me</span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-8795705055761912502008-01-21T18:17:00.000-05:002008-01-21T18:23:49.846-05:00Talkin' 'Bout the Rain<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">A song I heard again this past weekend resonated with my heart. I could not say it any better.... so here it is. Lord give me the words. I want to stop talkin' 'bout the rain. Take me away from myself.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Here I Go Again - Casting Crowns</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Father, hear my prayer</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I need the perfect words</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Words that he will hear</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And know they're straight from You</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I don't know what to say</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I only know it hurts</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">To see my only friend slowly fade away</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">With Your fire in my eyes</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">But that old familiar fear is tearin' at my words</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">What am I so afraid of?</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">'Cause here I go again</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Talkin' 'bout the rain</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And mullin' over things that won't live past today</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And as I dance around the truth</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Time is not his friend</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">This might be my last chance to tell him that You love Him</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">But here I go again</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Here I go again</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Lord, You love him so</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">You gave Your only Son</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">If he will just believe</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">He will never die</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">But how then will he know </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">What he has never heard?</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">This might be my last chance </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">To tell him that You love him</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">This might be my last chance </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">To tell him that You love him</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">You love him, You love him</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">What am I so afraid </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">What am I so afraid</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">What am I so afraid of?</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">How then will he know</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">What he has never heard?</span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-20250407312733993642007-12-31T12:51:00.002-05:002008-02-26T22:39:13.820-05:00Memories<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I have just finished dismantling Christmas. My house seems bare and uncluttered. The walls and table tops empty. The sounds of season gone. Life seems empty now. I sit down to contemplate what I will remember about this Christmas.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Will I remember the disappointments? Because there were some. Will I remember the laughter? Most certainly. Will I remember the iPod dance? I wish I could forget it! What about the feeling of forgetting myself and letting God have His way with me and use the talents He gave me? That memory I will cherish. Will I remember the family who was told their baby would not survive on Christmas Day? </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Will I remember Christmas Eve... our last one at The Met on Bank. Will I remember who I was with or who I was without? Perhaps both. Will I remember the tearful "for us?" Will I remember the random kindness and overwhelming generosity of seemingly strangers? How incredible to see both sides of that blessing... that I will never forget. Will I remember the tears and the prayers of desperation? Will I remember that Jesus came in the fullness of time? </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Perhaps life is not as empty as it seems....</span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-15125998863929202332007-12-08T20:53:00.000-05:002007-12-08T21:01:41.690-05:00Love Hurts<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Love hurts. </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">When I got involved with the Youth a year and a half ago, I had no idea I would love them as much as I do. Seeing them make poor decisions breaks my heart. Some are decisions I made too at one point in my life. Watching them walk down a road that I once walked down is hard. I wish they would listen when I say trust me. Watching them make, and live through life altering decisions makes me want to try and protect them.... shelter them.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">What strikes me is that if I am this heart broken... if I find myself this saddened by their decisions... imagine how much more our Fathers heart is broken.... imagine how sad He is when we turn our back on Him, even if just momentarily. In the same way that I cannot fully fathom His love for me, I cannot fully fathom his heart ache for me. And so I stand, once again, amazed by it all.</span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-59522068671375931852007-11-29T20:33:00.000-05:002007-11-29T20:46:15.747-05:00Under the Bridge<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Under the bridge. You know the one. Where "the homeless people live."<br /><br />A group of young adults. Some might have homes. Others not. Addicts. The mentally ill. Teenagers without a safe place to call home. People. People with names, hearts and souls. People Christ died for. People we are called to love.<br /><br />The smell of pot. The fact that the students knew the smell saddened me.<br /><br />Alcohol in Orange Juice containers. "It is what we do to keep warm."<br /><br />Swearing. Arguing. Noise.<br /><br />Fear. Is this safe? Fear. Lord keep us safe.<br /><br />Softness... their tough exterior shed at the random display of love and kindness. You could see the softness literally take over their entire beings.<br /><br />Genuine appreciation. "You are angels in disguise."<br /><br />Warmth. Boots. Tuques. Food. Jackets. Warmth. Love. Compassion.<br /><br />Lives changed. Theirs. Ours. Mine.</span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-85064334711214644872007-11-04T19:06:00.000-05:002007-11-04T19:17:47.232-05:00Called<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Could it be Lord? Are you calling me? Today the reality of lost souls struck me like it never has before. Your ministry involves other believers. Your mission involves ensuring non believers hear the good news. I am not sure where my mission field is. Perhaps He is calling me to a land far away. Perhaps He is opening my eyes to a mission field right here at home. Regardless, I am sensing His call. It frightens me. It excites me. I have sense this before. I brushed it off. Time passed and the urgency faded. But this time He has my attention. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><em>'Not called!' did you say? 'Not heard the call,' I think you should say. Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear Him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father's house and bid their brothers and sisters and servants and masters not to come there. Then look Christ in the face -- whose mercy you have professed to obey -- and tell Him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish His mercy to the world. <strong>--William Booth</strong></em></span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-46382093812434268252007-10-30T22:38:00.000-04:002007-10-30T23:02:56.800-04:00Experience<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want." ~Randy Pausch</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Think about that. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. I can think of many experiences in my life where I did not get what I wanted... Either as a result of my own sin, or a result of the sin of someone else. I can think of friends who have gone through difficult times. I recall one dear friend saying something to me many years ago. We were talking about how God builds character and perseverance in us through the circumstances He allows us to face. Her comment was something along the lines of... "I don't want more character. I have character enough!" Haven't we all felt that?</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Just yesterday I was going through a life exercise of being thankful for those experiences. I found myself thanking God for some of the things a dear friend of mine has gone through in her life. Her own experiences have given her a wealth of wisdom that I find myself drawing from often.... I want to soak in everything she has learned! I then found myself contemplating my own experiences when conversing with her mother who is facing challenges with her teenage daughter. It really made me think.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I would love to be able to say I am thankful for the experiences God has allowed me to have. I am not there entirely. There have been many times when I have not gotten what I wanted... when things have not gone in my favour. And there will be many more of those times as life goes on. If experience will create wisdom, and character and perseverance... if experience will help me to minister to someone and draw them closer to the love of Christ... then it will have been well worth it.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Lord, have your way in me. </span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-44213199083378729712007-10-29T22:43:00.000-04:002007-10-29T22:45:10.548-04:00Incase you were wondering...<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">56 days, 1 hour, 15 minutes and 22 seconds until Christmas.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">....not that I am counting.</span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-66994878640395477442007-10-29T00:10:00.000-04:002007-10-29T00:26:58.953-04:00A Life Saved<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Today I am remembering an anniversary of sorts. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Five years ago. </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Sunday evening. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">All alone.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Many tears. </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">One phone call. </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">A dear friend. </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">A life changed.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">A life saved. </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">My life.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Thank you my dear friend. I am forever grateful.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-44676652348652894632007-10-22T18:56:00.000-04:002007-10-22T20:01:02.646-04:00Honestly<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I spent this past weekend in Toronto at a conference with the Youth....Change 07. The Matt Vincent Band provided the worship for the weekend - amazing! They taught us a song that really hit me. Interestingly, I was not the only one. Over the past day, I have seen reminders of this song everywhere... on Facebook and the MSN lines of others that attended this weekend. Perhaps that is Gods way of keeping the song in my head and challenging me by it. I can only remember three lines of it....</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><strong><em>Honestly I need to be broken</em></strong></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><strong><em>Honestly I need to fall down</em></strong></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><strong><em>Go ahead and shake my foundation</em></strong></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span> </div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span></div><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Lately I have been really affected by various worship songs. I have found my heart and my eyes welling up during songs that we have sung forever. It is as though for many years I sang the words, but perhaps did not always pay attention to the significance of what we were singing about. Sometimes now find myself in silence before Him rather than say or song words that I don't mean.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">So as I hummed this song all day, I asked myself just that: Do I mean it? I <em>know</em> I need to be broken in order to be complete in Him. I also know that being broken hurts. Do I really mean it when I sing "go ahead and shake my foundation"? Do I want that? Been there, done that. My foundation has been shaken, and it was not fun! Yet I know beyond any doubt that it has made me rely on Him more and more... it has made me cling to Him like I have never done before. There will be struggles. I will be shaken. I will be broken. But to sing those words to Him...I have to ask... do I mean it... honestly?</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-35716738155297522942007-10-14T20:55:00.000-04:002007-10-14T21:13:16.994-04:00Sorry?<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I am writing from a pretty raw place. So forgive me if this appears rough around the edges... it is. </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Forgiveness. I know God will forgive each and every one of my sins. I know all I have to do is repent. Repentance. Not just confession... but also making a complete turn around... committing not to fall in to the trap of that sin again. Yah sure, sometimes it still happens. That is called humanness. </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">But here is my problem. I have sinned. There are consequences. I am dealing. But I am having a hard time with confessing my sins. And I suppose it is not so much in confessing my sin, but more in repenting. I know I will repeat this sin. I am already planning it! Which means I am not completely sorry! How can I say I am sorry for something that I know is wrong, but that I am sure I will do again! I can't. So now what? </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Why am I not willing to let this go? Why am I not willing to surrender complete control to Him? I know He can grant me peace... He has before. But I also know that He will not grant me peace if I say a quick "I'm sorry... make me feel better about this." </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I guess it is a matter of the heart. My heart needs some working on in this area. A song we recently sang at church just came to me. Lord, this is my prayer. Change my heart. I humbly accept the consequences of my sin. Lord forgive me for not giving you my all... my everything.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Tired of telling you, you have me</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">When I know you really don't</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Tired of telling you I'll follow</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">When I know I really won't</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Cause I'd rather stand here speechless</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">With no great words to say</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">If my silence is more truthful</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And my ears can hear how to walk in your way</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">In the silence</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">You are speaking</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">In the quiet </span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I can feel the fire</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And it's burning, burning deeply</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Burning all that it is that you desire to be silent, in me</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Oh Jesus can you hear me?</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">My soul is screaming out</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And my broken will cries teach me</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">What your Kingdom's all about</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Unite my heart to fear you,</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">To fear your holy name</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">And create a life of worship</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">In the spirit and truth of your loving ways</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></em><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">In The Silence - Jason Upton</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-73743030890263100492007-09-27T21:48:00.000-04:002007-09-27T22:02:15.557-04:00To Sing Or Not To Sing<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Well, I am going to do it. Contrary to what I sometimes think I should do, and contrary to what those who know me best have suggested I do (or not do as the case may be), I am going to do it. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time. I miss this part of my old life. I miss the challenge. I miss the music. I miss it all coming together.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">I am entering what is typically a bad time of the year for me. As much as I love the fall, it is when I seem to struggle the most. I have already committed to protecting myself. I hope and pray this is not me letting my guard down. I hope and pray that the extra bit of activity in my life, as well as the love of music will be positive influences in my life. I hope and pray that if I am wrong, no one will say "I told you so."</span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-76296566012609046422007-09-17T21:39:00.000-04:002007-09-17T22:03:32.614-04:00Little Gifts from God<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">A friend of mine would often tell me of "things that God had given her." Verses... concepts... greater understanding. I loved when God gave her things because sometimes she would share them with me. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">But I</span> found myself wondering why God didn't give me things.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">A few weeks ago, I was enlightened with the answer. God gave me something. I realized that there was a much greater chance of Him showing me something special... that something just for me, when I was looking for it. I had to dig deeper in to His Word for Him to have a chance to show me those special things He has wanted to show me! Not only did I have to dig deeper, but I had to stop talking and spend more time listening. Another little "aha moment."</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">As I spent more time in His word, something came alive in me. Verses I had read and memorized suddenly meant more to me than they had before. It was as though I was seeing them with a whole new set of eyes. Very cool.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">I was going through a bit of a rough time, and was praying for peace in the situation I was going through. This is what He gave me:</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Is. 26:3-4 </span><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Ps</span> 91 (some select verses... paraphrased just a bit...) He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust. If you dwell in the place of the Most High your dwelling then no harm will befall you. For he will command his angels over you to guard you in all your ways;<br />they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not even stub your baby toe." (The funny part of that is that a friend has prayed just that for me before... that He would place angels before me, behind me, above me, below me and beside me... so I won't even stub my baby toe. And all this time I thought she made that up!)</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">All this to say... His Word <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">truly</span> is alive... I am learning that more and more.</span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-71486375788504822112007-09-11T21:44:00.000-04:002007-09-11T21:55:46.293-04:00Somewhere in the MiddleEarlier this week, one if the gals in the Youth Group told me the new Casting Crowns cd was out. She also shared her favourite song with me. Today I bought the cd, and have also fallen in love with the same song... Somewhere in the Middle. The words resonated with my soul... somewhere in the middle of so many things is how I feel... between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves... between who I was and who He is making me... between contented peace and wanting more. But I know that no matter where I am... no matter what I am in the middle of, I am never there alone. For I know that He will never leave me!<br /><br />Somewhere between the hot and the cold<br />Somewhere between the new and the old<br />Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be<br />Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me<br /><br />Somewhere between the wrong and the right<br />Somewhere between the darkness and the light<br />Somewhere between who I was and who You’re making me<br />Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me<br /><br />Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control<br />Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense<br />Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle<br />With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is<br />But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle<br />Are we caught in the middle<br /><br />Somewhere between my heart and my hands<br />Somewhere between my faith and my plans<br />Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves<br />Somewhere between a whisper and a roar<br />Somewhere between the altar and the door<br />Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more<br />Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me<br /><br />Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You’re by my side<br />Loving me even on these nights when I’m caught in the middle<br /><br />Lyrics by Mark Hall.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-13957167521204376102007-09-10T21:25:00.000-04:002007-09-10T21:35:02.916-04:00Back to Blogging<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">It has been a long time. A lot has happened. I am not sure that I can write about it all here and now. My heart is full of some really amazing things that God is showing me. But my heart is also full of some confusion and sadness. Since my last post, I have shed many tears, and have learned many wonderful truths about my God. The question is, where do I begin. In some ways, I have lost the ears that hear the brunt of my ramblings... both when I am wrestling with God and when I am drawing near to Him... when life is hard and when it is easy... when I am complaining and when I am rejoicing. So stay tuned. Perhaps I will use this outlet again. </span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-64867657374796364902007-06-25T21:07:00.001-04:002007-06-25T21:26:05.289-04:00Youth<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I am a bit behind in my blogging. I have 2 more thoughts on the topic of faith, hope and love. I also have thoughts that I am working through about being "unsettled"... about my roots. But something else has been on my mind these past few weeks as well.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">This past fall an amazing opportunity came my way. I had always had a heart for youth ministries, but for one reason or another, never committed to serving in that way. Either my own life was not where it should be, or work got in the way, or, ironically, I thought I was too young. But this fall everything seemed to align itself. Who am I kidding... God aligned it all for me!</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I ended up in a new position at work that would allow me to be free on Wednesday nights. My life was more in tune with what God wanted, and where He wanted me to be. Then, as though it were a personal invitation, was the Sponsor Recruitment night.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I will admit... the first few months were tough. It is a large group! But by the new year I had gotten to know a fair number more than the girls in my small group. What an amazing year it has been! I went in to this wanting to serve. I got served. I went in to this wanting to bless others. I got blessed. I went in to this wanting to befriend teenage girls. I got befriended myself.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">There is no doubt in my mind that this is where He wants to use me right now. Every single Wednesday a battle goes on. Every single Wednesday something pulls me towards not going... I am tired. I have a headache. I had a rough day at work....the list goes on. Satan knew I was supposed to be there, and he was none too happy about it. Talk about a Spiritual attack! It was like nothing I had every experienced before!</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The chance to build in to the lives of these girls in particular, is such a blessing and such a privilege. The relationships that are formed are far more intentional than they were when I was in high school. I happened to be one of the few who really had a friendship with my sponsors. In fact, some of my JH and SH Sponsors are my dearest friends some 15 plus years later! And I see those friendships being forged now within the group... it is amazing.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">This year I have seen growth in these girls, particularly the ones in my small group. I have seen these kids pour their hearts out, unashamedly, in worship of their Lord and King. I have seen some wonderful young men and women walk across the podium, on to the next stage of life... their presence will be greatly missed. I have seen some of these kids sacrifice their summer to serve God at camps and various other mission fields. And in the fall, for a whole new set of students, the cycle will begin again.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">All this to say... I have been so blessed. Even in chatting with one of the girls tonight... it makes my heart smile. Love you all!</span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-58465800714671376332007-05-30T17:29:00.000-04:002007-05-30T20:51:02.332-04:00Trust Steadily<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">A few days back from the Met Youth HS Retreat, and I find myself still contemplating the message that was given. Faith, Hope & Love.<br /><br />1 Corinthians 13:12-13. Verses from a passage heard at many a wedding. Verses that I see in a new light.<br /><br />"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us. But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation; trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly, and the best of the three is love." (The Message)<br /><br />Trust steadily. Trust steadily in God. Faith.<br /><br />It was proposed, and I think it to be true, that perhaps faith is not about earnestly believing and hoping. But it is rather about surrendering control to the authority of God. Faith recognizes authority and surrenders control.<br /><br />Application. What areas of my life are full of chaos, rather than in control? Why is it, that there are still areas I have not surrendered fully to Him? A friend of mine has often reminded me that I am not the one in control... she tells me to take it to the cross and leave it there. And there have been times of chaos in her life where I find myself repeating those words back to her. Yet, areas in my life remain mine... not His. What is it that God is asking me to do? What is it that He is asking me to give up control of. And am I willing to do it?</span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-35525866915887066122007-04-27T19:34:00.000-04:002007-04-27T19:42:02.379-04:00What I did today<span style="font-family:arial;">It has been way too long since I have posted anything. The truth is, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">a lot</span> has gone on that is blog-worthy... I am just still working it all out in my head. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">A lot</span> has gone on in my own life, as well as in others lives that has stretched me, affected me, and made me think. But for today you are stuck with a mundane blog about my day.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Got <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">up</span> nice and early... that is something I have been doing a lot lately... having a puppy is like having a kid. I did three loads of laundry, put together a table from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">IKEA</span>, and tidied up, and gave my stinky puppy a bath. Went and had lunch with 2 of my favourite children (was watching them for a friend)... then did crafts and has a mini spa day! My hair was getting a bit long, so I went tor a cut. Love it! Came home and actually made dinner. Not cereal or toast... dinner... chicken, rice and veggies! (Today is officially day one of counting my "points" again!) Now I am slowly moving stuff in to my old <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">roomies</span> room. It is going to be my craft room / sewing room / office. I am really excited about it. Chose my paint colours today. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Hmmm</span>.... maybe I will head out and buy the paint now! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">So nothing too exciting... but that was my day!</span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-7253725184756175252007-04-06T20:52:00.000-04:002007-04-06T21:54:43.374-04:00For Me<span style="font-family:arial;"><em>Good Friday. One of the most significant of all Christian Holy Days. Today in church, the reality hit me once again.... the reality of what Christ endured for me. For me. Knowing that if I was the only one in the whole world who would need a Saviour, he still would have died that brutal death, For me. He did not have to die. He chose to die. </em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em>It brought me back to my high school years. We were on a retreat, having a communion service. One of the older girls in the group got up and read a medical account of what Christ went through. Now being in the medical field, that means so much more to me. </em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em>The stress he endured was so great, that he suffered from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">hematohidrosis</span></span>... he sweat drops of blood. The mental anguish must have been <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">unbearable</span>. He suffered temptation. He suffered from sin - my sin! He suffered from rejection - His Father turned His face away!</em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em>He was beaten. He suffered hours of torture. His body was covered in lacerations - open, bloody wounds. Wounds that were so deep that His bones were exposed. The skin on His back was shredded. A crown of thorns was not placed, but rather pushed on to his head. The pain must have been <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">excruciating</span>! He was severely <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">dehydrated</span>... both from the blood loss and from the profuse sweating. He was likely in or near a state we call shock. That alone was enough to kill Him. That was before He was crucified! Then He had to carry His cross!</em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em>According to medical experts, the position of the nails in his hands and feet would have pierced the medial nerve...that would cause <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">excruciating</span> pain and burning to shoot though His spinal column. His hands would have become paralyzed.The weight of His body was held on the nails in His hands. He would have shifted His weight with His feet to relieve the pain in his hands and arms... it would only cause Him more pain in the wounds in His feet, as well as to his skinless back as it rubbed against the rough timber. Not to mention the muscle cramps from having His arms extended for so long. As His legs gave out, His shoulders would <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">have</span> become dislocated.</em></span><br /><em><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></em><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em>Experts also say that the way a body is positioned on a cross makes it incredibly difficult to breathe. When your weight is being carried by your arms, your pectoral and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">intercostal</span> muscles become useless... making breathing very difficult. His breaths would have been short... gasping... as carbon dioxide began to build up in His system. His lungs would fill with fluid. His heart would give out.</em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em>What Christ experienced is too horrible to even think about. It is sobering. It is painful. It brings me to my knees, humbled.</em></span> <span style="font-family:arial;"><em>"One doctor has called it “a symphony of pain” produced by every movement, with every breath; even a slight breeze on his skin could bring screaming pain at this point."</em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em>For me. For me. He did this for me.</em></span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21120470.post-32346442787652821292007-04-03T22:02:00.000-04:002007-04-06T20:37:14.396-04:00Freedom<span style="font-family:arial;"><em>The sermon at church this past Sunday was really good. It focused on an area that I had first hand experience with for the first time in my life just recently: Freedom from sin. I never paid much attention to being a slave to sin. I never really thought I was. I mean, I sinned, I asked for forgiveness, and it was done. Then I sinned again... It was only recently that I saw areas of my life that I had been enslaved to. Areas of sin. Choices I had made that trapped me. I was enslaved to the sinful decisions I had made, was clueless about it, and had no idea how to change the path I was on!<br /><br /> The question was posed: Have you ever said to God... "Lord, I would rather DIE than live like (or with) this!" Yes!!! The answer our Pastor gave was a truth that I have heard since I was a kid. But with the freedom I have experienced in the past few months, I get it in a different way. The thing is... I have already died! I have already been crucified with Him! I am no longer a slave to sin! I am free! I have already died. I have already died. Wow. So simple, yet so complex. I have already died. Sounds kinda negative. The amazing part is not that I have died to my sin, but that I have been raised up with Him! That is what makes me free! </em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em>Something else he said really hit me. Again, it came from a verse I had memorized and quoted many times over the years. But the way it was worded had an impact on me. Romans 6:13 ... Do not offer the parts of your body as instruments of sin.... Once we belong to Christ... once we hold on tightly to Him, Satan can't say "come with me... you are mine." We are not. What he can say is... "I have this slander to spread... can I borrow your mouth?" ... "I have this work to be done... can I borrow your hands?" Our response (This is the part I love!): Stop loaning your body to sin! </em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em>I love that all this has been brought to the forefront of my mind as we near Easter. I mean, this is the season we remember His death, and celebrate Him being raised from the dead. And in that, He gave us freedom! If the Son has set you free, then you are free indeed!</em></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em><strong>Romans 6: 6-14 Could it be any clearer? Our old way of life was nailed to the cross with Christ, a decisive end to that sin-miserable life—no longer at sin's every beck and call! What we believe is this: If we get included in Christ's sin-conquering death, we also get included in his life-saving resurrection. We know that when Jesus was raised from the dead it was a signal of the end of death-as-the-end. Never again will death have the last word. When Jesus died, he took sin down with him, but alive he brings God down to us. From now on, think of it this way: Sin speaks a dead language that means nothing to you; God speaks your mother tongue, and you hang on every word. You are dead to sin and alive to God. That's what Jesus did.<br /></strong></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em><strong>That means you must not give sin a vote in the way you conduct your lives. Don't give it the time of day. Don't even run little errands that are connected with that old way of life. Throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time—remember, you've been raised from the dead!—into God's way of doing things. Sin can't tell you how to live. After all, you're not living under that old tyranny any longer. You're living in the freedom of God.<br /> </strong></em></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em><strong></strong></em></span>.: Christa :.http://www.blogger.com/profile/10380619052774595670noreply@blogger.com0