I have this friend. I remember her on many occasions saying... God told me. Although some might find that far fetched, I believed her whole heartedly, and found myself envying the relationship she had with God. Wow... that God would actually show me or tell me something! As I watched her, and oh I watched her, I saw a woman who lived by faith. A woman who was seeking after Him, and listening for His still and quiet voice. Perhaps that is why she heard it.
Over the past few years my own relationship with God has changed. I have been stretched and I have grown. I find myself seeking Him. And although I still do a lot of the talking, I am learning to hear His voice. And wouldn't you know it... I can say it too... God told me.
God told me. That is my answer. I just know.
This is not the first time He has revealed something like this to me. But there are times, much like now, that I find myself almost wishing He hadn't. There are times when I wonder what I am supposed to do with what He has shown me? Do I share this wisdom? Or am I meant to keep it to myself for now? I doubt it was meant to eat away at my like this, but the fact is, it is.
Confused, I continue to wait for His direction. I continue to pray. I continue to write. I continue to try and trust in Him.
Prov 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
A Beautiful Hypocrisy
As I sit here and watch the Opening Ceremonies of the 29th Olympiad, I am moved to tears. How can it be that in a world of war and depravity, we as humankind can come together... 204 nations... forgetting all that is between us.
And while I think that is all wonderful, I cannot help but find the whole thing a bit hypocritical. There are countries here that are at war with each other, and here they all stand in a form of unity created by the game. Here, they all stand together taking part in a dance. A dance with dove like movement... dancers, athletes, guests, and audience. A dove... a symbol of peace. So why is it that it that we can come together for the sake of the game... for the sake of competition... with an unspoken truce. Yet for the sake of humanity? For the sake of lives? We are still a world at war.
Just minutes before watching these opening ceremonies, I read an email from a dear friend living in, and now leaving, the Republic of Georgia. She lives in a city just 40 km from where a Russian peacekeeper was killed by a bomb... where there is fear and death. And yet, these warring countries are standing side by side.
I am not sure if I find this unity and temporary peace beautiful or sickening.
And while I think that is all wonderful, I cannot help but find the whole thing a bit hypocritical. There are countries here that are at war with each other, and here they all stand in a form of unity created by the game. Here, they all stand together taking part in a dance. A dance with dove like movement... dancers, athletes, guests, and audience. A dove... a symbol of peace. So why is it that it that we can come together for the sake of the game... for the sake of competition... with an unspoken truce. Yet for the sake of humanity? For the sake of lives? We are still a world at war.
Just minutes before watching these opening ceremonies, I read an email from a dear friend living in, and now leaving, the Republic of Georgia. She lives in a city just 40 km from where a Russian peacekeeper was killed by a bomb... where there is fear and death. And yet, these warring countries are standing side by side.
I am not sure if I find this unity and temporary peace beautiful or sickening.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Mercy on the Broken Road
I heard these lyrics, and my heart so resonated with them. How many times have I found myself on a road of brokenness, only to be found, and lifted up by His mercy. My sin and shame dissolved in to His Glory! Praise God! As I sit at His feet, this song is in my heart.
Where the Love Lasts Forever - Hillsong (Sung by Jared Wood)
Your mercy found me
Upon the broken road
And lifted me beyond my failings.
Into Your glory
My sin and shame dissolved
And now forever Yours I 'll stand
In love never to end
To call You more than Lord,
Glorious friend.
So I throw my life upon all that You are,
Cause I know you gave it all for me.
And when all else fades,
My soul will dance with You
Where the love lasts forever.
And forever I will sing,
Lord forever I will sing,
Of how You gave Your life away,
Just to save me,
Lord You saved me.
With You, where the love lasts forever
Where the Love Lasts Forever - Hillsong (Sung by Jared Wood)
Your mercy found me
Upon the broken road
And lifted me beyond my failings.
Into Your glory
My sin and shame dissolved
And now forever Yours I 'll stand
In love never to end
To call You more than Lord,
Glorious friend.
So I throw my life upon all that You are,
Cause I know you gave it all for me.
And when all else fades,
My soul will dance with You
Where the love lasts forever.
And forever I will sing,
Lord forever I will sing,
Of how You gave Your life away,
Just to save me,
Lord You saved me.
With You, where the love lasts forever
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Grace Like a Blanket
I have fallen short of His glory. My heart knows failure. My shame runs deep. But through it all, I know beyond a doubt that I am covered with His blanket of forgiveness and grace. Thank you Father, for fathering me.
The Father - Heather Clark
It's You I want to know
Come with your presence
Hold me and don't let go
I love the sound of your heart
Like a father protecting me drawing me
That I could know..
The sound of your footsteps coming to me
The look on your face when you"re so proud of me
The sound of you cheering when I succeed
And the touch of your hand
When your fathering me
I have so far to grow
I fall short of your glory
Failure, my heart knows
And my shame runs so deep
But your grace is a blanket
Cover me, that I could know
The sound of your footsteps coming to me
The look on your face when you"re so proud of me
The sound of you cheering when I succeed
And the touch of your hand
When your fathering me
The Father - Heather Clark
It's You I want to know
Come with your presence
Hold me and don't let go
I love the sound of your heart
Like a father protecting me drawing me
That I could know..
The sound of your footsteps coming to me
The look on your face when you"re so proud of me
The sound of you cheering when I succeed
And the touch of your hand
When your fathering me
I have so far to grow
I fall short of your glory
Failure, my heart knows
And my shame runs so deep
But your grace is a blanket
Cover me, that I could know
The sound of your footsteps coming to me
The look on your face when you"re so proud of me
The sound of you cheering when I succeed
And the touch of your hand
When your fathering me
Monday, January 21, 2008
Talkin' 'Bout the Rain
A song I heard again this past weekend resonated with my heart. I could not say it any better.... so here it is. Lord give me the words. I want to stop talkin' 'bout the rain. Take me away from myself.
Here I Go Again - Casting Crowns
Father, hear my prayer
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they're straight from You
I don't know what to say
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend slowly fade away
So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear is tearin' at my words
What am I so afraid of?
'Cause here I go again
Talkin' 'bout the rain
And mullin' over things that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance to tell him that You love Him
But here I go again
Here I go again
Lord, You love him so
You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe
He will never die
But how then will he know
What he has never heard?
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life
This might be my last chance
To tell him that You love him
This might be my last chance
To tell him that You love him
You love him, You love him
What am I so afraid
What am I so afraid
What am I so afraid of?
How then will he know
What he has never heard?
Here I Go Again - Casting Crowns
Father, hear my prayer
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they're straight from You
I don't know what to say
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend slowly fade away
So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear is tearin' at my words
What am I so afraid of?
'Cause here I go again
Talkin' 'bout the rain
And mullin' over things that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance to tell him that You love Him
But here I go again
Here I go again
Lord, You love him so
You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe
He will never die
But how then will he know
What he has never heard?
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life
This might be my last chance
To tell him that You love him
This might be my last chance
To tell him that You love him
You love him, You love him
What am I so afraid
What am I so afraid
What am I so afraid of?
How then will he know
What he has never heard?
Monday, December 31, 2007
Memories
I have just finished dismantling Christmas. My house seems bare and uncluttered. The walls and table tops empty. The sounds of season gone. Life seems empty now. I sit down to contemplate what I will remember about this Christmas.
Will I remember the disappointments? Because there were some. Will I remember the laughter? Most certainly. Will I remember the iPod dance? I wish I could forget it! What about the feeling of forgetting myself and letting God have His way with me and use the talents He gave me? That memory I will cherish. Will I remember the family who was told their baby would not survive on Christmas Day?
Will I remember Christmas Eve... our last one at The Met on Bank. Will I remember who I was with or who I was without? Perhaps both. Will I remember the tearful "for us?" Will I remember the random kindness and overwhelming generosity of seemingly strangers? How incredible to see both sides of that blessing... that I will never forget. Will I remember the tears and the prayers of desperation? Will I remember that Jesus came in the fullness of time?
Perhaps life is not as empty as it seems....
Will I remember the disappointments? Because there were some. Will I remember the laughter? Most certainly. Will I remember the iPod dance? I wish I could forget it! What about the feeling of forgetting myself and letting God have His way with me and use the talents He gave me? That memory I will cherish. Will I remember the family who was told their baby would not survive on Christmas Day?
Will I remember Christmas Eve... our last one at The Met on Bank. Will I remember who I was with or who I was without? Perhaps both. Will I remember the tearful "for us?" Will I remember the random kindness and overwhelming generosity of seemingly strangers? How incredible to see both sides of that blessing... that I will never forget. Will I remember the tears and the prayers of desperation? Will I remember that Jesus came in the fullness of time?
Perhaps life is not as empty as it seems....
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Love Hurts
Love hurts.
When I got involved with the Youth a year and a half ago, I had no idea I would love them as much as I do. Seeing them make poor decisions breaks my heart. Some are decisions I made too at one point in my life. Watching them walk down a road that I once walked down is hard. I wish they would listen when I say trust me. Watching them make, and live through life altering decisions makes me want to try and protect them.... shelter them.
What strikes me is that if I am this heart broken... if I find myself this saddened by their decisions... imagine how much more our Fathers heart is broken.... imagine how sad He is when we turn our back on Him, even if just momentarily. In the same way that I cannot fully fathom His love for me, I cannot fully fathom his heart ache for me. And so I stand, once again, amazed by it all.
When I got involved with the Youth a year and a half ago, I had no idea I would love them as much as I do. Seeing them make poor decisions breaks my heart. Some are decisions I made too at one point in my life. Watching them walk down a road that I once walked down is hard. I wish they would listen when I say trust me. Watching them make, and live through life altering decisions makes me want to try and protect them.... shelter them.
What strikes me is that if I am this heart broken... if I find myself this saddened by their decisions... imagine how much more our Fathers heart is broken.... imagine how sad He is when we turn our back on Him, even if just momentarily. In the same way that I cannot fully fathom His love for me, I cannot fully fathom his heart ache for me. And so I stand, once again, amazed by it all.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Under the Bridge
Under the bridge. You know the one. Where "the homeless people live."
A group of young adults. Some might have homes. Others not. Addicts. The mentally ill. Teenagers without a safe place to call home. People. People with names, hearts and souls. People Christ died for. People we are called to love.
The smell of pot. The fact that the students knew the smell saddened me.
Alcohol in Orange Juice containers. "It is what we do to keep warm."
Swearing. Arguing. Noise.
Fear. Is this safe? Fear. Lord keep us safe.
Softness... their tough exterior shed at the random display of love and kindness. You could see the softness literally take over their entire beings.
Genuine appreciation. "You are angels in disguise."
Warmth. Boots. Tuques. Food. Jackets. Warmth. Love. Compassion.
Lives changed. Theirs. Ours. Mine.
A group of young adults. Some might have homes. Others not. Addicts. The mentally ill. Teenagers without a safe place to call home. People. People with names, hearts and souls. People Christ died for. People we are called to love.
The smell of pot. The fact that the students knew the smell saddened me.
Alcohol in Orange Juice containers. "It is what we do to keep warm."
Swearing. Arguing. Noise.
Fear. Is this safe? Fear. Lord keep us safe.
Softness... their tough exterior shed at the random display of love and kindness. You could see the softness literally take over their entire beings.
Genuine appreciation. "You are angels in disguise."
Warmth. Boots. Tuques. Food. Jackets. Warmth. Love. Compassion.
Lives changed. Theirs. Ours. Mine.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Called
Could it be Lord? Are you calling me? Today the reality of lost souls struck me like it never has before. Your ministry involves other believers. Your mission involves ensuring non believers hear the good news. I am not sure where my mission field is. Perhaps He is calling me to a land far away. Perhaps He is opening my eyes to a mission field right here at home. Regardless, I am sensing His call. It frightens me. It excites me. I have sense this before. I brushed it off. Time passed and the urgency faded. But this time He has my attention.
'Not called!' did you say? 'Not heard the call,' I think you should say. Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear Him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father's house and bid their brothers and sisters and servants and masters not to come there. Then look Christ in the face -- whose mercy you have professed to obey -- and tell Him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish His mercy to the world. --William Booth
'Not called!' did you say? 'Not heard the call,' I think you should say. Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear Him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father's house and bid their brothers and sisters and servants and masters not to come there. Then look Christ in the face -- whose mercy you have professed to obey -- and tell Him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish His mercy to the world. --William Booth
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Experience
"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want." ~Randy Pausch
Think about that. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. I can think of many experiences in my life where I did not get what I wanted... Either as a result of my own sin, or a result of the sin of someone else. I can think of friends who have gone through difficult times. I recall one dear friend saying something to me many years ago. We were talking about how God builds character and perseverance in us through the circumstances He allows us to face. Her comment was something along the lines of... "I don't want more character. I have character enough!" Haven't we all felt that?
Just yesterday I was going through a life exercise of being thankful for those experiences. I found myself thanking God for some of the things a dear friend of mine has gone through in her life. Her own experiences have given her a wealth of wisdom that I find myself drawing from often.... I want to soak in everything she has learned! I then found myself contemplating my own experiences when conversing with her mother who is facing challenges with her teenage daughter. It really made me think.
I would love to be able to say I am thankful for the experiences God has allowed me to have. I am not there entirely. There have been many times when I have not gotten what I wanted... when things have not gone in my favour. And there will be many more of those times as life goes on. If experience will create wisdom, and character and perseverance... if experience will help me to minister to someone and draw them closer to the love of Christ... then it will have been well worth it.
Lord, have your way in me.
Think about that. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. I can think of many experiences in my life where I did not get what I wanted... Either as a result of my own sin, or a result of the sin of someone else. I can think of friends who have gone through difficult times. I recall one dear friend saying something to me many years ago. We were talking about how God builds character and perseverance in us through the circumstances He allows us to face. Her comment was something along the lines of... "I don't want more character. I have character enough!" Haven't we all felt that?
Just yesterday I was going through a life exercise of being thankful for those experiences. I found myself thanking God for some of the things a dear friend of mine has gone through in her life. Her own experiences have given her a wealth of wisdom that I find myself drawing from often.... I want to soak in everything she has learned! I then found myself contemplating my own experiences when conversing with her mother who is facing challenges with her teenage daughter. It really made me think.
I would love to be able to say I am thankful for the experiences God has allowed me to have. I am not there entirely. There have been many times when I have not gotten what I wanted... when things have not gone in my favour. And there will be many more of those times as life goes on. If experience will create wisdom, and character and perseverance... if experience will help me to minister to someone and draw them closer to the love of Christ... then it will have been well worth it.
Lord, have your way in me.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Incase you were wondering...
56 days, 1 hour, 15 minutes and 22 seconds until Christmas.
....not that I am counting.
....not that I am counting.
A Life Saved
Today I am remembering an anniversary of sorts.
Five years ago.
Sunday evening.
All alone.
Many tears.
One phone call.
A dear friend.
A life changed.
A life saved.
My life.
Thank you my dear friend. I am forever grateful.
Five years ago.
Sunday evening.
All alone.
Many tears.
One phone call.
A dear friend.
A life changed.
A life saved.
My life.
Thank you my dear friend. I am forever grateful.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Honestly
I spent this past weekend in Toronto at a conference with the Youth....Change 07. The Matt Vincent Band provided the worship for the weekend - amazing! They taught us a song that really hit me. Interestingly, I was not the only one. Over the past day, I have seen reminders of this song everywhere... on Facebook and the MSN lines of others that attended this weekend. Perhaps that is Gods way of keeping the song in my head and challenging me by it. I can only remember three lines of it....
So as I hummed this song all day, I asked myself just that: Do I mean it? I know I need to be broken in order to be complete in Him. I also know that being broken hurts. Do I really mean it when I sing "go ahead and shake my foundation"? Do I want that? Been there, done that. My foundation has been shaken, and it was not fun! Yet I know beyond any doubt that it has made me rely on Him more and more... it has made me cling to Him like I have never done before. There will be struggles. I will be shaken. I will be broken. But to sing those words to Him...I have to ask... do I mean it... honestly?
Honestly I need to be broken
Honestly I need to fall down
Go ahead and shake my foundation
Lately I have been really affected by various worship songs. I have found my heart and my eyes welling up during songs that we have sung forever. It is as though for many years I sang the words, but perhaps did not always pay attention to the significance of what we were singing about. Sometimes now find myself in silence before Him rather than say or song words that I don't mean.
So as I hummed this song all day, I asked myself just that: Do I mean it? I know I need to be broken in order to be complete in Him. I also know that being broken hurts. Do I really mean it when I sing "go ahead and shake my foundation"? Do I want that? Been there, done that. My foundation has been shaken, and it was not fun! Yet I know beyond any doubt that it has made me rely on Him more and more... it has made me cling to Him like I have never done before. There will be struggles. I will be shaken. I will be broken. But to sing those words to Him...I have to ask... do I mean it... honestly?
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Sorry?
I am writing from a pretty raw place. So forgive me if this appears rough around the edges... it is.
Forgiveness. I know God will forgive each and every one of my sins. I know all I have to do is repent. Repentance. Not just confession... but also making a complete turn around... committing not to fall in to the trap of that sin again. Yah sure, sometimes it still happens. That is called humanness.
But here is my problem. I have sinned. There are consequences. I am dealing. But I am having a hard time with confessing my sins. And I suppose it is not so much in confessing my sin, but more in repenting. I know I will repeat this sin. I am already planning it! Which means I am not completely sorry! How can I say I am sorry for something that I know is wrong, but that I am sure I will do again! I can't. So now what?
Why am I not willing to let this go? Why am I not willing to surrender complete control to Him? I know He can grant me peace... He has before. But I also know that He will not grant me peace if I say a quick "I'm sorry... make me feel better about this."
I guess it is a matter of the heart. My heart needs some working on in this area. A song we recently sang at church just came to me. Lord, this is my prayer. Change my heart. I humbly accept the consequences of my sin. Lord forgive me for not giving you my all... my everything.
Tired of telling you, you have me
When I know you really don't
Tired of telling you I'll follow
When I know I really won't
Cause I'd rather stand here speechless
With no great words to say
If my silence is more truthful
And my ears can hear how to walk in your way
In the silence
You are speaking
In the quiet
I can feel the fire
And it's burning, burning deeply
Burning all that it is that you desire to be silent, in me
Oh Jesus can you hear me?
My soul is screaming out
And my broken will cries teach me
What your Kingdom's all about
Unite my heart to fear you,
To fear your holy name
And create a life of worship
In the spirit and truth of your loving ways
In The Silence - Jason Upton
Forgiveness. I know God will forgive each and every one of my sins. I know all I have to do is repent. Repentance. Not just confession... but also making a complete turn around... committing not to fall in to the trap of that sin again. Yah sure, sometimes it still happens. That is called humanness.
But here is my problem. I have sinned. There are consequences. I am dealing. But I am having a hard time with confessing my sins. And I suppose it is not so much in confessing my sin, but more in repenting. I know I will repeat this sin. I am already planning it! Which means I am not completely sorry! How can I say I am sorry for something that I know is wrong, but that I am sure I will do again! I can't. So now what?
Why am I not willing to let this go? Why am I not willing to surrender complete control to Him? I know He can grant me peace... He has before. But I also know that He will not grant me peace if I say a quick "I'm sorry... make me feel better about this."
I guess it is a matter of the heart. My heart needs some working on in this area. A song we recently sang at church just came to me. Lord, this is my prayer. Change my heart. I humbly accept the consequences of my sin. Lord forgive me for not giving you my all... my everything.
Tired of telling you, you have me
When I know you really don't
Tired of telling you I'll follow
When I know I really won't
Cause I'd rather stand here speechless
With no great words to say
If my silence is more truthful
And my ears can hear how to walk in your way
In the silence
You are speaking
In the quiet
I can feel the fire
And it's burning, burning deeply
Burning all that it is that you desire to be silent, in me
Oh Jesus can you hear me?
My soul is screaming out
And my broken will cries teach me
What your Kingdom's all about
Unite my heart to fear you,
To fear your holy name
And create a life of worship
In the spirit and truth of your loving ways
In The Silence - Jason Upton
Thursday, September 27, 2007
To Sing Or Not To Sing
Well, I am going to do it. Contrary to what I sometimes think I should do, and contrary to what those who know me best have suggested I do (or not do as the case may be), I am going to do it. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time. I miss this part of my old life. I miss the challenge. I miss the music. I miss it all coming together.
I am entering what is typically a bad time of the year for me. As much as I love the fall, it is when I seem to struggle the most. I have already committed to protecting myself. I hope and pray this is not me letting my guard down. I hope and pray that the extra bit of activity in my life, as well as the love of music will be positive influences in my life. I hope and pray that if I am wrong, no one will say "I told you so."
I am entering what is typically a bad time of the year for me. As much as I love the fall, it is when I seem to struggle the most. I have already committed to protecting myself. I hope and pray this is not me letting my guard down. I hope and pray that the extra bit of activity in my life, as well as the love of music will be positive influences in my life. I hope and pray that if I am wrong, no one will say "I told you so."
Monday, September 17, 2007
Little Gifts from God
A friend of mine would often tell me of "things that God had given her." Verses... concepts... greater understanding. I loved when God gave her things because sometimes she would share them with me. But I found myself wondering why God didn't give me things.
A few weeks ago, I was enlightened with the answer. God gave me something. I realized that there was a much greater chance of Him showing me something special... that something just for me, when I was looking for it. I had to dig deeper in to His Word for Him to have a chance to show me those special things He has wanted to show me! Not only did I have to dig deeper, but I had to stop talking and spend more time listening. Another little "aha moment."
As I spent more time in His word, something came alive in me. Verses I had read and memorized suddenly meant more to me than they had before. It was as though I was seeing them with a whole new set of eyes. Very cool.
I was going through a bit of a rough time, and was praying for peace in the situation I was going through. This is what He gave me:
Is. 26:3-4 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
Ps 91 (some select verses... paraphrased just a bit...) He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust. If you dwell in the place of the Most High your dwelling then no harm will befall you. For he will command his angels over you to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not even stub your baby toe." (The funny part of that is that a friend has prayed just that for me before... that He would place angels before me, behind me, above me, below me and beside me... so I won't even stub my baby toe. And all this time I thought she made that up!)
All this to say... His Word truly is alive... I am learning that more and more.
A few weeks ago, I was enlightened with the answer. God gave me something. I realized that there was a much greater chance of Him showing me something special... that something just for me, when I was looking for it. I had to dig deeper in to His Word for Him to have a chance to show me those special things He has wanted to show me! Not only did I have to dig deeper, but I had to stop talking and spend more time listening. Another little "aha moment."
As I spent more time in His word, something came alive in me. Verses I had read and memorized suddenly meant more to me than they had before. It was as though I was seeing them with a whole new set of eyes. Very cool.
I was going through a bit of a rough time, and was praying for peace in the situation I was going through. This is what He gave me:
Is. 26:3-4 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.
Ps 91 (some select verses... paraphrased just a bit...) He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust. If you dwell in the place of the Most High your dwelling then no harm will befall you. For he will command his angels over you to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not even stub your baby toe." (The funny part of that is that a friend has prayed just that for me before... that He would place angels before me, behind me, above me, below me and beside me... so I won't even stub my baby toe. And all this time I thought she made that up!)
All this to say... His Word truly is alive... I am learning that more and more.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Somewhere in the Middle
Earlier this week, one if the gals in the Youth Group told me the new Casting Crowns cd was out. She also shared her favourite song with me. Today I bought the cd, and have also fallen in love with the same song... Somewhere in the Middle. The words resonated with my soul... somewhere in the middle of so many things is how I feel... between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves... between who I was and who He is making me... between contented peace and wanting more. But I know that no matter where I am... no matter what I am in the middle of, I am never there alone. For I know that He will never leave me!
Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me
Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle
Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You’re by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I’m caught in the middle
Lyrics by Mark Hall
Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me
Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle
Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You’re by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I’m caught in the middle
Lyrics by Mark Hall
Monday, September 10, 2007
Back to Blogging
It has been a long time. A lot has happened. I am not sure that I can write about it all here and now. My heart is full of some really amazing things that God is showing me. But my heart is also full of some confusion and sadness. Since my last post, I have shed many tears, and have learned many wonderful truths about my God. The question is, where do I begin. In some ways, I have lost the ears that hear the brunt of my ramblings... both when I am wrestling with God and when I am drawing near to Him... when life is hard and when it is easy... when I am complaining and when I am rejoicing. So stay tuned. Perhaps I will use this outlet again.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Youth
I am a bit behind in my blogging. I have 2 more thoughts on the topic of faith, hope and love. I also have thoughts that I am working through about being "unsettled"... about my roots. But something else has been on my mind these past few weeks as well.
This past fall an amazing opportunity came my way. I had always had a heart for youth ministries, but for one reason or another, never committed to serving in that way. Either my own life was not where it should be, or work got in the way, or, ironically, I thought I was too young. But this fall everything seemed to align itself. Who am I kidding... God aligned it all for me!
I ended up in a new position at work that would allow me to be free on Wednesday nights. My life was more in tune with what God wanted, and where He wanted me to be. Then, as though it were a personal invitation, was the Sponsor Recruitment night.
I will admit... the first few months were tough. It is a large group! But by the new year I had gotten to know a fair number more than the girls in my small group. What an amazing year it has been! I went in to this wanting to serve. I got served. I went in to this wanting to bless others. I got blessed. I went in to this wanting to befriend teenage girls. I got befriended myself.
There is no doubt in my mind that this is where He wants to use me right now. Every single Wednesday a battle goes on. Every single Wednesday something pulls me towards not going... I am tired. I have a headache. I had a rough day at work....the list goes on. Satan knew I was supposed to be there, and he was none too happy about it. Talk about a Spiritual attack! It was like nothing I had every experienced before!
The chance to build in to the lives of these girls in particular, is such a blessing and such a privilege. The relationships that are formed are far more intentional than they were when I was in high school. I happened to be one of the few who really had a friendship with my sponsors. In fact, some of my JH and SH Sponsors are my dearest friends some 15 plus years later! And I see those friendships being forged now within the group... it is amazing.
This year I have seen growth in these girls, particularly the ones in my small group. I have seen these kids pour their hearts out, unashamedly, in worship of their Lord and King. I have seen some wonderful young men and women walk across the podium, on to the next stage of life... their presence will be greatly missed. I have seen some of these kids sacrifice their summer to serve God at camps and various other mission fields. And in the fall, for a whole new set of students, the cycle will begin again.
All this to say... I have been so blessed. Even in chatting with one of the girls tonight... it makes my heart smile. Love you all!
This past fall an amazing opportunity came my way. I had always had a heart for youth ministries, but for one reason or another, never committed to serving in that way. Either my own life was not where it should be, or work got in the way, or, ironically, I thought I was too young. But this fall everything seemed to align itself. Who am I kidding... God aligned it all for me!
I ended up in a new position at work that would allow me to be free on Wednesday nights. My life was more in tune with what God wanted, and where He wanted me to be. Then, as though it were a personal invitation, was the Sponsor Recruitment night.
I will admit... the first few months were tough. It is a large group! But by the new year I had gotten to know a fair number more than the girls in my small group. What an amazing year it has been! I went in to this wanting to serve. I got served. I went in to this wanting to bless others. I got blessed. I went in to this wanting to befriend teenage girls. I got befriended myself.
There is no doubt in my mind that this is where He wants to use me right now. Every single Wednesday a battle goes on. Every single Wednesday something pulls me towards not going... I am tired. I have a headache. I had a rough day at work....the list goes on. Satan knew I was supposed to be there, and he was none too happy about it. Talk about a Spiritual attack! It was like nothing I had every experienced before!
The chance to build in to the lives of these girls in particular, is such a blessing and such a privilege. The relationships that are formed are far more intentional than they were when I was in high school. I happened to be one of the few who really had a friendship with my sponsors. In fact, some of my JH and SH Sponsors are my dearest friends some 15 plus years later! And I see those friendships being forged now within the group... it is amazing.
This year I have seen growth in these girls, particularly the ones in my small group. I have seen these kids pour their hearts out, unashamedly, in worship of their Lord and King. I have seen some wonderful young men and women walk across the podium, on to the next stage of life... their presence will be greatly missed. I have seen some of these kids sacrifice their summer to serve God at camps and various other mission fields. And in the fall, for a whole new set of students, the cycle will begin again.
All this to say... I have been so blessed. Even in chatting with one of the girls tonight... it makes my heart smile. Love you all!
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