Aha Moments

God has shown me some amazing things in the past few weeks. I call them "Aha moments". You know... when you finally get it? And when you do, you wonder why you are just getting it now? A lot of this is really personal, so I won't go in to too much detail. But what He has done is too amazing not to share.

Those of you who really know me, know that I have struggled with depression at varying levels for my whole life. A few weeks ago, I was heading in that direction again. I have this wonderful, wise, godly friend, who on many occasion has encouraged me to give it all to God... and not take it back. I heard what she was saying, but never understood what more I had to give Him where this was concerned. As the days passed, my sadness grew. I was in a bad place. I could barely function. It was really scary, because I had been there before. I had made the decision to focus on God through this, rather than trying to survive it on my own. But alas, I found myself making bad decisions again. Decisions that would take me down a path I was comfortable with... but also down a path that was not where He wanted me to be.

In what I thought was a moment of weakness, I confessed this secret part of my life to the same friend who had on so many occasions told me to hand it over to Him. I now don't see it as a moment of weakness, but rather a moment of brutal honesty. This friend prayed with me and turned me back around to face His Throne of Grace. She was not afraid to speak the truth: I was disobeying God. When I got home, I knew that God and I had a long night ahead of us.

He showed me so much that night. He showed me that this path I had chosen time and time again was me being disobedient to Him. He showed me an area of sin in my life... an area that had taken hold of me many years ago. Perhaps this is what this friend was talking about... giving it all to Him. When I look back, I see that God has been showing me this area for years... I just never paid enough attention to actually get it. Well that night, I got it. On my knees, in repentance, God took from me what He has so patiently been waiting for. The release I felt far exceeded any sense of freedom I had ever felt before. Free. That was it. As cliche as it sounds, a weight had been lifted of my shoulders, and I felt free! It was like nothing else I had every experienced before. As I called my friend to describe the feeling to her, I knew I didn't really have to... I knew she knew exactly what I meant.

I am so thankful for a friend like her. She has heard me say it all before... but I count her friendship as one of the greatest blessings in my life. We all need someone to come along side us and turn us back to Him when we momentarily glace away. We all need a friend who will speak His truth covered in His love. We all need a friend who is not afraid to confront us with an area of sin in our lives. We all need a friend who will pray with us and cry with us. We all need a friend who will love us, even when they see our ugly sides. I am so thankful for a friend like that.

This story continues... God continues to speak, and I am learning to listen. Will write again soon.