I have come here a few times today to write my thoughts... but alas, I could not come up with anything terribly enlightening! I don't write every day for that exact reason. So after much thought, I decided to share a quote that has become part of my testimony. It is a bit long... but it is good...stick with me.
Some time last year I was reading a book entitled "This Isn't The Life I Signed Up For..." by Donna Partow. A particular paragraph really spoke to me...
I recently had a friend confront me, very forcefully with an area of sin in my life. I admitted that I had never taken it very seriously - it went back to my old attitude that God was probably "winking" at my sin. My unspoken goal, in so many areas of my life, had always been to see "how much I could get away with and still sneak into heaven." ..."Don't you realize that you're cheating yourself? Don't you realize that someday we will be rewarded for our faithfulness?"... Every time I do the bare minimum, or try to get away with something, I am robbing myself.
That was me. I knew I was saved, but rather than growing in Him, I was trying to live as close to the world as I could, yet still slip in to heaven. I was luke warm. All my life I prayed that He would light a fire in my heart for Him. I thought it was something I longed for... something I thought I should have, having grown up in the church. Yet I was not willing to step away from the world and move closer to Him. No wonder any spark that was lit in my life always quickly burned out.
All this comes as I prepare my heart and pray for the Youth that will attend our HS Retreat this weekend. I remember how excited I was for them... I would literally count down the minutes. And I would always return to school on Monday morning with a new zest... a new enthusiasm for Christ. But more often than not, within a week or two, it was gone.
Sadly, this pattern continued well in to my adult life. In fact, it was reading that passage that really made me re-think things. God wants to much for from me and for me. And now, all I want to do is serve Him, follow Him, and grow in Him. I want to be totally His.
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2 comments:
Amen sister. It's funny how much sense it makes to let someone else control the big stuff and little stuff in our lives yet at the same time so hard to let go. I think the older we get the harder it is to relinquesh that control. Call me or email me sometime. I want to know how the last few weeks have gone for you.
Will chat with you next week. I am leaving tonight for the weekend... Youth Retreat. Remember me at your wedding? That was NOTHING compared to how much I cried at my sisters wedding... like audible sobbing. What a loser! Will fill you in next week.
BTW... yes, you are definately out of the running for mother of the year! (ha ha ha)
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