R&T

I really wish I could comment on your posts.
I adore you guys. We need a Skype & wine date.
So until a time comes when I can spend time with you friends, I will continue to cyber stalk! :) Sigh.

God Told Me... So Now What?

I have this friend. I remember her on many occasions saying... God told me. Although some might find that far fetched, I believed her whole heartedly, and found myself envying the relationship she had with God. Wow... that God would actually show me or tell me something! As I watched her, and oh I watched her, I saw a woman who lived by faith. A woman who was seeking after Him, and listening for His still and quiet voice. Perhaps that is why she heard it.

Over the past few years my own relationship with God has changed. I have been stretched and I have grown. I find myself seeking Him. And although I still do a lot of the talking, I am learning to hear His voice. And wouldn't you know it... I can say it too... God told me.

God told me. That is my answer. I just know.

This is not the first time He has revealed something like this to me. But there are times, much like now, that I find myself almost wishing He hadn't. There are times when I wonder what I am supposed to do with what He has shown me? Do I share this wisdom? Or am I meant to keep it to myself for now? I doubt it was meant to eat away at my like this, but the fact is, it is.

Confused, I continue to wait for His direction. I continue to pray. I continue to write. I continue to try and trust in Him.

Prov 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.

A Beautiful Hypocrisy

As I sit here and watch the Opening Ceremonies of the 29th Olympiad, I am moved to tears. How can it be that in a world of war and depravity, we as humankind can come together... 204 nations... forgetting all that is between us.

And while I think that is all wonderful, I cannot help but find the whole thing a bit hypocritical. There are countries here that are at war with each other, and here they all stand in a form of unity created by the game. Here, they all stand together taking part in a dance. A dance with dove like movement... dancers, athletes, guests, and audience. A dove... a symbol of peace. So why is it that it that we can come together for the sake of the game... for the sake of competition... with an unspoken truce. Yet for the sake of humanity? For the sake of lives? We are still a world at war.

Just minutes before watching these opening ceremonies, I read an email from a dear friend living in, and now leaving, the Republic of Georgia. She lives in a city just 40 km from where a Russian peacekeeper was killed by a bomb... where there is fear and death. And yet, these warring countries are standing side by side.

I am not sure if I find this unity and temporary peace beautiful or sickening.

My Own

I wish I was less afraid of sharing more of my own work here.


Hmmm.... maybe some day.

Mercy on the Broken Road

I heard these lyrics, and my heart so resonated with them. How many times have I found myself on a road of brokenness, only to be found, and lifted up by His mercy. My sin and shame dissolved in to His Glory! Praise God! As I sit at His feet, this song is in my heart.

Where the Love Lasts Forever - Hillsong (Sung by Jared Wood)

Your mercy found me
Upon the broken road
And lifted me beyond my failings.
Into Your glory
My sin and shame dissolved
And now forever Yours I 'll stand

In love never to end
To call You more than Lord,
Glorious friend.
So I throw my life upon all that You are,
Cause I know you gave it all for me.
And when all else fades,
My soul will dance with You
Where the love lasts forever.

And forever I will sing,
Lord forever I will sing,
Of how You gave Your life away,
Just to save me,
Lord You saved me.

With You, where the love lasts forever

Grace Like a Blanket

I have fallen short of His glory. My heart knows failure. My shame runs deep. But through it all, I know beyond a doubt that I am covered with His blanket of forgiveness and grace. Thank you Father, for fathering me.

The Father - Heather Clark

It's You I want to know
Come with your presence
Hold me and don't let go
I love the sound of your heart
Like a father protecting me drawing me
That I could know..

The sound of your footsteps coming to me
The look on your face when you"re so proud of me
The sound of you cheering when I succeed
And the touch of your hand
When your fathering me

I have so far to grow
I fall short of your glory
Failure, my heart knows
And my shame runs so deep
But your grace is a blanket
Cover me, that I could know

The sound of your footsteps coming to me
The look on your face when you"re so proud of me
The sound of you cheering when I succeed
And the touch of your hand
When your fathering me

Talkin' 'Bout the Rain

A song I heard again this past weekend resonated with my heart. I could not say it any better.... so here it is. Lord give me the words. I want to stop talkin' 'bout the rain. Take me away from myself.

Here I Go Again - Casting Crowns

Father, hear my prayer
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they're straight from You
I don't know what to say
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend slowly fade away

So maybe this time I'll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear is tearin' at my words
What am I so afraid of?
'Cause here I go again
Talkin' 'bout the rain
And mullin' over things that won't live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance to tell him that You love Him
But here I go again
Here I go again

Lord, You love him so
You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe
He will never die
But how then will he know
What he has never heard?
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life

This might be my last chance
To tell him that You love him
This might be my last chance
To tell him that You love him
You love him, You love him

What am I so afraid
What am I so afraid
What am I so afraid of?
How then will he know
What he has never heard?

Memories

I have just finished dismantling Christmas. My house seems bare and uncluttered. The walls and table tops empty. The sounds of season gone. Life seems empty now. I sit down to contemplate what I will remember about this Christmas.

Will I remember the disappointments? Because there were some. Will I remember the laughter? Most certainly. Will I remember the iPod dance? I wish I could forget it! What about the feeling of forgetting myself and letting God have His way with me and use the talents He gave me? That memory I will cherish. Will I remember the family who was told their baby would not survive on Christmas Day?

Will I remember Christmas Eve... our last one at The Met on Bank. Will I remember who I was with or who I was without? Perhaps both. Will I remember the tearful "for us?" Will I remember the random kindness and overwhelming generosity of seemingly strangers? How incredible to see both sides of that blessing... that I will never forget. Will I remember the tears and the prayers of desperation? Will I remember that Jesus came in the fullness of time?

Perhaps life is not as empty as it seems....

Love Hurts

Love hurts.

When I got involved with the Youth a year and a half ago, I had no idea I would love them as much as I do. Seeing them make poor decisions breaks my heart. Some are decisions I made too at one point in my life. Watching them walk down a road that I once walked down is hard. I wish they would listen when I say trust me. Watching them make, and live through life altering decisions makes me want to try and protect them.... shelter them.

What strikes me is that if I am this heart broken... if I find myself this saddened by their decisions... imagine how much more our Fathers heart is broken.... imagine how sad He is when we turn our back on Him, even if just momentarily. In the same way that I cannot fully fathom His love for me, I cannot fully fathom his heart ache for me. And so I stand, once again, amazed by it all.

Under the Bridge

Under the bridge. You know the one. Where "the homeless people live."

A group of young adults. Some might have homes. Others not. Addicts. The mentally ill. Teenagers without a safe place to call home. People. People with names, hearts and souls. People Christ died for. People we are called to love.

The smell of pot. The fact that the students knew the smell saddened me.

Alcohol in Orange Juice containers. "It is what we do to keep warm."

Swearing. Arguing. Noise.

Fear. Is this safe? Fear. Lord keep us safe.

Softness... their tough exterior shed at the random display of love and kindness. You could see the softness literally take over their entire beings.

Genuine appreciation. "You are angels in disguise."

Warmth. Boots. Tuques. Food. Jackets. Warmth. Love. Compassion.

Lives changed. Theirs. Ours. Mine.

Called

Could it be Lord? Are you calling me? Today the reality of lost souls struck me like it never has before. Your ministry involves other believers. Your mission involves ensuring non believers hear the good news. I am not sure where my mission field is. Perhaps He is calling me to a land far away. Perhaps He is opening my eyes to a mission field right here at home. Regardless, I am sensing His call. It frightens me. It excites me. I have sense this before. I brushed it off. Time passed and the urgency faded. But this time He has my attention.

'Not called!' did you say? 'Not heard the call,' I think you should say. Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear Him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father's house and bid their brothers and sisters and servants and masters not to come there. Then look Christ in the face -- whose mercy you have professed to obey -- and tell Him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish His mercy to the world. --William Booth

Experience

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want." ~Randy Pausch

Think about that. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. I can think of many experiences in my life where I did not get what I wanted... Either as a result of my own sin, or a result of the sin of someone else. I can think of friends who have gone through difficult times. I recall one dear friend saying something to me many years ago. We were talking about how God builds character and perseverance in us through the circumstances He allows us to face. Her comment was something along the lines of... "I don't want more character. I have character enough!" Haven't we all felt that?

Just yesterday I was going through a life exercise of being thankful for those experiences. I found myself thanking God for some of the things a dear friend of mine has gone through in her life. Her own experiences have given her a wealth of wisdom that I find myself drawing from often.... I want to soak in everything she has learned! I then found myself contemplating my own experiences when conversing with her mother who is facing challenges with her teenage daughter. It really made me think.

I would love to be able to say I am thankful for the experiences God has allowed me to have. I am not there entirely. There have been many times when I have not gotten what I wanted... when things have not gone in my favour. And there will be many more of those times as life goes on. If experience will create wisdom, and character and perseverance... if experience will help me to minister to someone and draw them closer to the love of Christ... then it will have been well worth it.

Lord, have your way in me.

Incase you were wondering...

56 days, 1 hour, 15 minutes and 22 seconds until Christmas.

....not that I am counting.

A Life Saved

Today I am remembering an anniversary of sorts.

Five years ago.
Sunday evening.
All alone.
Many tears.
One phone call.
A dear friend.
A life changed.
A life saved.
My life.

Thank you my dear friend. I am forever grateful.

Honestly

I spent this past weekend in Toronto at a conference with the Youth....Change 07. The Matt Vincent Band provided the worship for the weekend - amazing! They taught us a song that really hit me. Interestingly, I was not the only one. Over the past day, I have seen reminders of this song everywhere... on Facebook and the MSN lines of others that attended this weekend. Perhaps that is Gods way of keeping the song in my head and challenging me by it. I can only remember three lines of it....

Honestly I need to be broken

Honestly I need to fall down

Go ahead and shake my foundation

Lately I have been really affected by various worship songs. I have found my heart and my eyes welling up during songs that we have sung forever. It is as though for many years I sang the words, but perhaps did not always pay attention to the significance of what we were singing about. Sometimes now find myself in silence before Him rather than say or song words that I don't mean.

So as I hummed this song all day, I asked myself just that: Do I mean it? I know I need to be broken in order to be complete in Him. I also know that being broken hurts. Do I really mean it when I sing "go ahead and shake my foundation"? Do I want that? Been there, done that. My foundation has been shaken, and it was not fun! Yet I know beyond any doubt that it has made me rely on Him more and more... it has made me cling to Him like I have never done before. There will be struggles. I will be shaken. I will be broken. But to sing those words to Him...I have to ask... do I mean it... honestly?

Sorry?

I am writing from a pretty raw place. So forgive me if this appears rough around the edges... it is.

Forgiveness. I know God will forgive each and every one of my sins. I know all I have to do is repent. Repentance. Not just confession... but also making a complete turn around... committing not to fall in to the trap of that sin again. Yah sure, sometimes it still happens. That is called humanness.

But here is my problem. I have sinned. There are consequences. I am dealing. But I am having a hard time with confessing my sins. And I suppose it is not so much in confessing my sin, but more in repenting. I know I will repeat this sin. I am already planning it! Which means I am not completely sorry! How can I say I am sorry for something that I know is wrong, but that I am sure I will do again! I can't. So now what?

Why am I not willing to let this go? Why am I not willing to surrender complete control to Him? I know He can grant me peace... He has before. But I also know that He will not grant me peace if I say a quick "I'm sorry... make me feel better about this."

I guess it is a matter of the heart. My heart needs some working on in this area. A song we recently sang at church just came to me. Lord, this is my prayer. Change my heart. I humbly accept the consequences of my sin. Lord forgive me for not giving you my all... my everything.


Tired of telling you, you have me
When I know you really don't
Tired of telling you I'll follow
When I know I really won't
Cause I'd rather stand here speechless
With no great words to say
If my silence is more truthful
And my ears can hear how to walk in your way

In the silence
You are speaking
In the quiet
I can feel the fire
And it's burning, burning deeply
Burning all that it is that you desire to be silent, in me

Oh Jesus can you hear me?
My soul is screaming out
And my broken will cries teach me
What your Kingdom's all about
Unite my heart to fear you,
To fear your holy name
And create a life of worship
In the spirit and truth of your loving ways

In The Silence - Jason Upton

To Sing Or Not To Sing

Well, I am going to do it. Contrary to what I sometimes think I should do, and contrary to what those who know me best have suggested I do (or not do as the case may be), I am going to do it. This is something I have wanted to do for a long time. I miss this part of my old life. I miss the challenge. I miss the music. I miss it all coming together.

I am entering what is typically a bad time of the year for me. As much as I love the fall, it is when I seem to struggle the most. I have already committed to protecting myself. I hope and pray this is not me letting my guard down. I hope and pray that the extra bit of activity in my life, as well as the love of music will be positive influences in my life. I hope and pray that if I am wrong, no one will say "I told you so."

Little Gifts from God

A friend of mine would often tell me of "things that God had given her." Verses... concepts... greater understanding. I loved when God gave her things because sometimes she would share them with me. But I found myself wondering why God didn't give me things.

A few weeks ago, I was enlightened with the answer. God gave me something. I realized that there was a much greater chance of Him showing me something special... that something just for me, when I was looking for it. I had to dig deeper in to His Word for Him to have a chance to show me those special things He has wanted to show me! Not only did I have to dig deeper, but I had to stop talking and spend more time listening. Another little "aha moment."

As I spent more time in His word, something came alive in me. Verses I had read and memorized suddenly meant more to me than they had before. It was as though I was seeing them with a whole new set of eyes. Very cool.

I was going through a bit of a rough time, and was praying for peace in the situation I was going through. This is what He gave me:

Is. 26:3-4 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal.

Ps 91 (some select verses... paraphrased just a bit...) He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust. If you dwell in the place of the Most High your dwelling then no harm will befall you. For he will command his angels over you to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not even stub your baby toe." (The funny part of that is that a friend has prayed just that for me before... that He would place angels before me, behind me, above me, below me and beside me... so I won't even stub my baby toe. And all this time I thought she made that up!)

All this to say... His Word truly is alive... I am learning that more and more.

Somewhere in the Middle

Earlier this week, one if the gals in the Youth Group told me the new Casting Crowns cd was out. She also shared her favourite song with me. Today I bought the cd, and have also fallen in love with the same song... Somewhere in the Middle. The words resonated with my soul... somewhere in the middle of so many things is how I feel... between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves... between who I was and who He is making me... between contented peace and wanting more. But I know that no matter where I am... no matter what I am in the middle of, I am never there alone. For I know that He will never leave me!

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You’re by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I’m caught in the middle

Lyrics by Mark Hall

Back to Blogging

It has been a long time. A lot has happened. I am not sure that I can write about it all here and now. My heart is full of some really amazing things that God is showing me. But my heart is also full of some confusion and sadness. Since my last post, I have shed many tears, and have learned many wonderful truths about my God. The question is, where do I begin. In some ways, I have lost the ears that hear the brunt of my ramblings... both when I am wrestling with God and when I am drawing near to Him... when life is hard and when it is easy... when I am complaining and when I am rejoicing. So stay tuned. Perhaps I will use this outlet again.

Youth

I am a bit behind in my blogging. I have 2 more thoughts on the topic of faith, hope and love. I also have thoughts that I am working through about being "unsettled"... about my roots. But something else has been on my mind these past few weeks as well.

This past fall an amazing opportunity came my way. I had always had a heart for youth ministries, but for one reason or another, never committed to serving in that way. Either my own life was not where it should be, or work got in the way, or, ironically, I thought I was too young. But this fall everything seemed to align itself. Who am I kidding... God aligned it all for me!

I ended up in a new position at work that would allow me to be free on Wednesday nights. My life was more in tune with what God wanted, and where He wanted me to be. Then, as though it were a personal invitation, was the Sponsor Recruitment night.

I will admit... the first few months were tough. It is a large group! But by the new year I had gotten to know a fair number more than the girls in my small group. What an amazing year it has been! I went in to this wanting to serve. I got served. I went in to this wanting to bless others. I got blessed. I went in to this wanting to befriend teenage girls. I got befriended myself.

There is no doubt in my mind that this is where He wants to use me right now. Every single Wednesday a battle goes on. Every single Wednesday something pulls me towards not going... I am tired. I have a headache. I had a rough day at work....the list goes on. Satan knew I was supposed to be there, and he was none too happy about it. Talk about a Spiritual attack! It was like nothing I had every experienced before!

The chance to build in to the lives of these girls in particular, is such a blessing and such a privilege. The relationships that are formed are far more intentional than they were when I was in high school. I happened to be one of the few who really had a friendship with my sponsors. In fact, some of my JH and SH Sponsors are my dearest friends some 15 plus years later! And I see those friendships being forged now within the group... it is amazing.

This year I have seen growth in these girls, particularly the ones in my small group. I have seen these kids pour their hearts out, unashamedly, in worship of their Lord and King. I have seen some wonderful young men and women walk across the podium, on to the next stage of life... their presence will be greatly missed. I have seen some of these kids sacrifice their summer to serve God at camps and various other mission fields. And in the fall, for a whole new set of students, the cycle will begin again.

All this to say... I have been so blessed. Even in chatting with one of the girls tonight... it makes my heart smile. Love you all!

Trust Steadily

A few days back from the Met Youth HS Retreat, and I find myself still contemplating the message that was given. Faith, Hope & Love.

1 Corinthians 13:12-13. Verses from a passage heard at many a wedding. Verses that I see in a new light.

"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us. But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation; trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly, and the best of the three is love." (The Message)

Trust steadily. Trust steadily in God. Faith.

It was proposed, and I think it to be true, that perhaps faith is not about earnestly believing and hoping. But it is rather about surrendering control to the authority of God. Faith recognizes authority and surrenders control.

Application. What areas of my life are full of chaos, rather than in control? Why is it, that there are still areas I have not surrendered fully to Him? A friend of mine has often reminded me that I am not the one in control... she tells me to take it to the cross and leave it there. And there have been times of chaos in her life where I find myself repeating those words back to her. Yet, areas in my life remain mine... not His. What is it that God is asking me to do? What is it that He is asking me to give up control of. And am I willing to do it?

What I did today

It has been way too long since I have posted anything. The truth is, a lot has gone on that is blog-worthy... I am just still working it all out in my head. A lot has gone on in my own life, as well as in others lives that has stretched me, affected me, and made me think. But for today you are stuck with a mundane blog about my day.

Got up nice and early... that is something I have been doing a lot lately... having a puppy is like having a kid. I did three loads of laundry, put together a table from IKEA, and tidied up, and gave my stinky puppy a bath. Went and had lunch with 2 of my favourite children (was watching them for a friend)... then did crafts and has a mini spa day! My hair was getting a bit long, so I went tor a cut. Love it! Came home and actually made dinner. Not cereal or toast... dinner... chicken, rice and veggies! (Today is officially day one of counting my "points" again!) Now I am slowly moving stuff in to my old roomies room. It is going to be my craft room / sewing room / office. I am really excited about it. Chose my paint colours today. Hmmm.... maybe I will head out and buy the paint now!

So nothing too exciting... but that was my day!

For Me

Good Friday. One of the most significant of all Christian Holy Days. Today in church, the reality hit me once again.... the reality of what Christ endured for me. For me. Knowing that if I was the only one in the whole world who would need a Saviour, he still would have died that brutal death, For me. He did not have to die. He chose to die.

It brought me back to my high school years. We were on a retreat, having a communion service. One of the older girls in the group got up and read a medical account of what Christ went through. Now being in the medical field, that means so much more to me.

The stress he endured was so great, that he suffered from hematohidrosis... he sweat drops of blood. The mental anguish must have been unbearable. He suffered temptation. He suffered from sin - my sin! He suffered from rejection - His Father turned His face away!

He was beaten. He suffered hours of torture. His body was covered in lacerations - open, bloody wounds. Wounds that were so deep that His bones were exposed. The skin on His back was shredded. A crown of thorns was not placed, but rather pushed on to his head. The pain must have been excruciating! He was severely dehydrated... both from the blood loss and from the profuse sweating. He was likely in or near a state we call shock. That alone was enough to kill Him. That was before He was crucified! Then He had to carry His cross!

According to medical experts, the position of the nails in his hands and feet would have pierced the medial nerve...that would cause excruciating pain and burning to shoot though His spinal column. His hands would have become paralyzed.The weight of His body was held on the nails in His hands. He would have shifted His weight with His feet to relieve the pain in his hands and arms... it would only cause Him more pain in the wounds in His feet, as well as to his skinless back as it rubbed against the rough timber. Not to mention the muscle cramps from having His arms extended for so long. As His legs gave out, His shoulders would have become dislocated.

Experts also say that the way a body is positioned on a cross makes it incredibly difficult to breathe. When your weight is being carried by your arms, your pectoral and intercostal muscles become useless... making breathing very difficult. His breaths would have been short... gasping... as carbon dioxide began to build up in His system. His lungs would fill with fluid. His heart would give out.

What Christ experienced is too horrible to even think about. It is sobering. It is painful. It brings me to my knees, humbled. "One doctor has called it “a symphony of pain” produced by every movement, with every breath; even a slight breeze on his skin could bring screaming pain at this point."

For me. For me. He did this for me.

Freedom

The sermon at church this past Sunday was really good. It focused on an area that I had first hand experience with for the first time in my life just recently: Freedom from sin. I never paid much attention to being a slave to sin. I never really thought I was. I mean, I sinned, I asked for forgiveness, and it was done. Then I sinned again... It was only recently that I saw areas of my life that I had been enslaved to. Areas of sin. Choices I had made that trapped me. I was enslaved to the sinful decisions I had made, was clueless about it, and had no idea how to change the path I was on!

The question was posed: Have you ever said to God... "Lord, I would rather DIE than live like (or with) this!" Yes!!! The answer our Pastor gave was a truth that I have heard since I was a kid. But with the freedom I have experienced in the past few months, I get it in a different way. The thing is... I have already died! I have already been crucified with Him! I am no longer a slave to sin! I am free! I have already died. I have already died. Wow. So simple, yet so complex. I have already died. Sounds kinda negative. The amazing part is not that I have died to my sin, but that I have been raised up with Him! That is what makes me free!

Something else he said really hit me. Again, it came from a verse I had memorized and quoted many times over the years. But the way it was worded had an impact on me. Romans 6:13 ... Do not offer the parts of your body as instruments of sin.... Once we belong to Christ... once we hold on tightly to Him, Satan can't say "come with me... you are mine." We are not. What he can say is... "I have this slander to spread... can I borrow your mouth?" ... "I have this work to be done... can I borrow your hands?" Our response (This is the part I love!): Stop loaning your body to sin!

I love that all this has been brought to the forefront of my mind as we near Easter. I mean, this is the season we remember His death, and celebrate Him being raised from the dead. And in that, He gave us freedom! If the Son has set you free, then you are free indeed!

Romans 6: 6-14 Could it be any clearer? Our old way of life was nailed to the cross with Christ, a decisive end to that sin-miserable life—no longer at sin's every beck and call! What we believe is this: If we get included in Christ's sin-conquering death, we also get included in his life-saving resurrection. We know that when Jesus was raised from the dead it was a signal of the end of death-as-the-end. Never again will death have the last word. When Jesus died, he took sin down with him, but alive he brings God down to us. From now on, think of it this way: Sin speaks a dead language that means nothing to you; God speaks your mother tongue, and you hang on every word. You are dead to sin and alive to God. That's what Jesus did.

That means you must not give sin a vote in the way you conduct your lives. Don't give it the time of day. Don't even run little errands that are connected with that old way of life. Throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time—remember, you've been raised from the dead!—into God's way of doing things. Sin can't tell you how to live. After all, you're not living under that old tyranny any longer. You're living in the freedom of God.

Puppy Love

The adventures of Bronte continue. Things are going really well. I think I have finally accepted that if my little guy cries, he will be ok. I left him for a few hours yesterday barricaded in the kitchen. When I put him to bed, I did the same thing. He did not cry at all. And when I came down this morning (ok, so he was whimpering a bit then), he was in his bed which is in his crate! I also went out today for a few hours and crated him. He was fine! He whimpered a bit when I left, but was fine when I came home. Yay! I still think that to crate him when I am at work is too long. But I am thrilled to know that he is getting used to his crate. He even went in it a few times on his own today! I am way less stressed than I was on the weekend!

We also went to the vet today. Bronte really likes Dr Carl. He was very well behaved, and got a clean bill of health!

A few more pics of my baby...

Bronte

My life has changed dramatically since my last post. I am a mommy. It looked as though the puppy I had lined up was not going to happen. It was not a sure thing, but my the breeder thought that if she was able to leave at all, it would be later than expected. As I mentioned in my last blog, I was devastated.

So I began the search for a different puppy, and came across a breeder selling Yorkie-Poos. He had 2 females, one that looked like a yorkie (the one I wanted), and one that looked more poodle. I waited all day Friday to hear from him. When our potential meeting time had come and gone, I figured it was Gods way of letting me know this was not the pup for me. Shortly after that (and 2 hours before I had to be at work), I got the call. So a friend and I went to see the little guys.


The female I wanted had already been sold. I looked at the other female - the one that looked l more poo than yorkie. She was cute, but didn't grab me. I looked at the boys, even though I wanted a girl, and had bought a whole bunch of pink clothing. There was one little guy who had one ear pointed straight up, and one flopped down. I fell in love. I took him home.

Well, I didn't really take him to my home... I took him to my wonderful friends home, who puppy sat for me because I had to go to work!

So I have a new addition, and it is going ok. I am frustrated with the whole crate training thing because he cries... no, screams! He slept in his doggy bed, blocked off in the kitchen last night. And that is where I left him to go to church this morning. He did really well. He goes potty on the paper consistently, even throughout the night. Pretty good for 10 weeks I think! I have a hard time leaving him to cry, and am not 100% sure what I will do when I go to work - crate him vs have the crate there for him, but block him off in the kitchen. Everyone has their opinion, which does not really make it any easier.

I know he will be a friend for life... I just need to get past these next few days until we establish a routine. And in the meantime, I have to try not to have a melt down every time my puppy wails... which is whenever I am not in sight!


Here he is!

Loved

Well, these past few days have been tough. I have been sick for about a week now, and do not seem to be getting better. (Pink eye, ear infection, throat infection, chest infection, sinus infection.... hopefully these antibiotics will start working soon!) As you may have guessed from my last post, I am having a rough time with my room mate leaving. To top it all off, I got a call from my puppy's breeder yesterday. There was a bit of a problem with the litter. The one female that would be mine is very tiny, and they are not even sure they can let her leave. I was devastated. Am still working all that all out.

Through these past few days, I have been so blessed, and have been shown much love. A dear friend and her family opened their home to me and my germs when I was too sick to be home alone. She made sure I ate, gave me a place to sleep, provided me with company when I did not really want to be alone, and let me cry on her shoulder when I needed to. Her friendship is such a blessing to me. Her eldest son woke me up this morning with breakfast in bed... toast, eggs, pancakes and OJ. That was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done. When I finally came home this evening, one of the girls from the Youth Group showed up at my door with a handful of flowers. I cried when she left. Her thoughtfulness really touched me, and I enjoyed her company.

I love how God uses people in your life to bless you and encourage you when you are down. I needed to be shown love. I needed to be encourages. He provided that for me, and in doing so, filled me up so that I can keep on loving and encouraging those around me.

Gone

She's gone. Really, she's been gone for a while now. I have mixed emotions. But right now, loneliness and sadness make the top of the list.

Impact

Sometimes we have no idea how our lives have impacted those around us. Sometimes we have no idea how God has used us to bless others. I received a card in the mail today from a very old friend. Not old as in age... she is a few years younger than me. But old as in time... I have known her since we were in grade school. She practically lived at my house. But when HS ended, we ended up in different cities, and the distance made our friendship grow apart. I have only seen her a few times in the past few years.

Her card said this: "You are very important to me. I have always looked up to you. You are the closest thing to an older sister I will ever have, and even with a few miles between us, you are always in my heart." It brought me to tears. We just have no idea how God will use the relationships we forge.

I have another friend who is such a blessing to me (and many others too). No matter how many times I try to tell her what a blessing she is... and what an impact she has had on my life, she does not get it. Despite my words, she will never see the extent to which God has used her this side of heaven. And isn't that true about all of Christ's followers? We just never know the impact any one thing we say or do will have.

This card reminded me of two things. Make everything you do count for eternity. We have no idea how God will use even the ordinary things to impact others. Secondly, it reminded me to let people know when they have been a blessing to you. Why wait for heaven when we can start thanking people here and now.

First

I have already commented on the "driving devotion" series I did on Joy. The next in the series is on faith. A coincidence? Seeing as what God wanted for me to say was that I believed... that I had faith in Him? I think not. In fact, the end of one of the devotions said "God is longing to hear us say that we trust Him." All this, the day after my "Yet" blog. Amazing how He works. That really affirmed that He is in control.

Something that was said in one of the tracks really hit struck me. It started by saying, "Life is hard. God is good." Two truths that we face every day. And every day I have a choice. What will I hear first? God? Or the evil one? Will I hear a song on the radio? A horrible news story? Or will I choose to hear His voice first. That is the part that hit me. Hearing Him first.

In this case, I think that "first" can have two connotations. First....foremost... above all else. All valid. All important. But I also think it can mean first...not second... first. As in, the very first thing I physically hear in the morning. And this is where I was convicted. Rather than hear about things of this world and then have that impact my thoughts on God, I should hear from Him first. And let Him impact my thoughts on the things of this world. Perhaps if I hear Him first, it will set the stage for the rest of my day. Not perhaps. It will.

I have a hard time praying and doing devotions in the morning when I get up early and have to go to work.... I fall asleep. Which is why I do my devotions in the car, and spend time in prayer as I drive. So I am not sure what this all means. Maybe I need to have a worship cd on while I get ready, rather than the radio show I listen to that is not God honouring. Perhaps it means showering and then spending time in His word before I continue to get ready. I am not sure what this will look like. I just know that I need to choose differently. I need to choose to hear Him first.